


Empty slot

by dancey94



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Angst, Car Accidents, Domestic, First Kiss, Kissing, M/M, Memory Loss, Murder Family, Nightmares, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Vulnerability, Vulnerable Hannibal, but without the murder, post-sorbet, totes platonic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-08-05
Packaged: 2018-04-05 14:47:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 23
Words: 33,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4183875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dancey94/pseuds/dancey94
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Hannibal forgot he was a cannibalistic serial killer?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He comes to his senses very slowly. He hears a beeping sound and something resembling a noise of a machine working. He raises (not without effort) his eyelids to discover a sterile room painted white. A delicate sunlight beams through a window on his left. He feels an acute pain in his chest when he tries to breathe, like something heavy was crushing his ribs. He discovers he’s in a hospital room and the beeping sound indicates the steady rhythm of his heart and other life symptoms.

“Mr Lecter” says a man in a white cloth upon entering the room “I see you’ve awoken”

“What happened? Why am I here?” he couldn’t even tell if ‘Mr Lecter’ was referred to him; his mind seems blank and empty.

The man approaches the bed he is lying in and takes out a small object, points it near Lecter’s eyes. “May I?”

Lecter somehow knows what the object is and the procedure behind it. He nods.

The man flashes a light into Lecter’s eyes and smiles.

“It seems you’re perfectly fine. The only thing is probably still the pain in your chest, am I correct?”

Mr Lecter nods.

“Now, I need you to stay calm and focused. What is the last thing you remember?”

Lecter looks through the window on his left and tries to concentrate. Nothing. Like a blank page. Like he was just born a moment ago.

“If I’m being completely honest, I couldn’t even recall my own name and when you said ‘Lecter’ I wasn’t sure if you talked to me” he says calmly but he starts to feel panic growing.

“Well, there’s no reason to fear, yet. I’m sure the memories will pay you a visit soon. For the time being, try to relax. But just before I go – can you feel all you limbs?”

Lecter tries to move his hands and legs and everything seems to work properly. He nods again.

“Brilliant. Please, rest. I’ll see you in a couple of hours again” the doctor smiles and leaves the room.

Lecter looks around the room and finds nothing that could stimulate his brain to bring back memories. He tries to recall who he is, how old he is, anything really. A single tear escapes his eye when he can’t even match a first name to Lecter. He closes his eyes and falls asleep.

~~~

He steps closer to a man who has his back turned to him. He smells him. These soft chocolate curls, this familiar scent. He knows that man. He enjoys his company. He can’t see his face but he knows, he just _knows_ , it gives him pleasure to look at it.

“Did you just smell me?” the man asks, confused.

“Difficult to avoid” the man in front of him snorts “I really must introduce you to a finer aftershave. That smells like something with a ship on the bottle”

“I keep getting it for Christmas” the man laughs softly, a sound Lecter has a rare opportunity to savour.

And then it’s gone; a simple blackness before his eyes; nothing.

 

He opens his eyes and feels a warm weight over his hand. He sees a beautiful woman sitting next to his bed.

“Hannibal!” she says with tears in her eyes; she is smiling, apparently relieved.

“I’m sorry-”

“Please, don’t be; it wasn’t your fault”

Lecter sighs. He doesn’t know how to call the woman in front of him; he doesn’t remember her at all.

“I’m sorry but I… can’t remember your name” he says finally.

Her face goes from relieved and happy to confused and terrified. But then she quickly tries to mask her true emotions with a smile of reassurance.

“I’m Alana, I’m your friend”

“Forgive me. I just can’t remember anything from before I woke up here”

“It’s alright. It’ll come to you soon. It’s not odd since you were in a terrible accident”

“An accident?”

“Yes. Did no one tell you?” he shakes his head so she continues “You were driving and apparently you lost control over the car because there were tyre tracks at the scene. You ended up in a ditch. It’s truly a miracle you didn’t crash into a tree”

He tries to remember anything – the kind of car he had, where he could be going. Still nothing.

“Where was it? The accident” he asks, hoping the information will stimulate his brain.

“Not very far from your home. But outside of Baltimore”

Baltimore. Is that where he lives? Oh, this is completely hopeless. He can’t recall a single thing from his life. But he doesn’t ask Alana, he can’t admit defeat.

She’s smiling at him. There is something in the gesture that makes him wonder if there is something more between them.

“I took care of your patients. I told them what happened and that you wouldn’t be available for some time. I was wondering if maybe you’d let me substitute you for the time of your recovery. Or at least the most urgent cases”

Patients? What patients? Is he a doctor? That would explain how he knew the object the doctor was examining him with earlier.

“Um. Yes, that may be a good idea. Until I fully recover”

“Only Will might be a different case but I believe he’ll be visiting you often so you can continue your ‘therapy’. He may turn out to be more helpful to you this time”

Lecter smiles, though he has no idea who Will is. Sounds like one of his patients.

“He was here with me, when we found out what happened. A lot of your acquaintances wanted to come, too, but they wouldn’t be let in. The hospital also forbade them to send any flowers because other patients are allergic to them. But you need to know a lot of people were worried about you”

“Thank you for saying this”

She squeezes his hand “I should leave you to rest now; it’s getting late”

“Thank you for coming”

She smiles one last time and disappears from the room.

Did she call him Hannibal? Is that his name? A little odd and not at all familiar. The only familiar thing right now is the face of the man from his dream. He falls asleep thinking about him.

~~~

They are standing next to each other by the desk, looking at some photos. He’s staring at the man rather than the pictures and the man is staring back, though trying to avoid eye contact. Their eyes meet only for half a second and then the man is looking at his lips. A moment of intimacy; silence. And then blackness again.


	2. Strange

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm emotional because You know WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY and i believe Hannibal is emotional too

_"Strange I've seen that face before_  
_Seen him hanging round my door_  
_Like a hawk stealing for the pray  
_ _Like the night waiting for the day"_

_Grace Jones - Libertango_

 

He wakes again when he hears raindrops batter against the panes. He feels hopeless and wants to get up. He moves, rises slowly, feeling pain in his ribs but he doesn’t give up. He is limited though, by all the cables and tubes so he can’t actually move very far.

The doctor enters the room and grabs him by his arm the moment Lecter feels he can collapse.

“I need to move. I need to do something, anything. I can’t keep lying in this bed”

“Mr Lecter, I will take you for a walk to the corridor but first I need to check on you” the doctor helps him sit on the bed  “Do you still experience pain in your chest?”

A nod. The doctor writes something down on a piece of paper.

“I see you can feel all your limbs? And you can speak”

A nod.

“Have your memories come back to you? Do you remember your name?”

“Hannibal Lecter” he speaks with little hesitation.

“That’s right. Do you know where you live?”

“Baltimore” he speaks and looks at the doctor for confirmation.

“Correct. Do you know why you’re here?”

“I was in a car accident”

“Yes. Do you remember any of it?”

“Not really, no”

“Maybe that’s for the best” the doctor smiles “Do you know what you do for a living?”

“I see patients. I am a doctor”

“Yes. I know these questions may seem pointless and boring but I need to ask them all” another warm smile “What kind of doctor are you?”

That’s about it. The point where he cannot pretend anymore because he hasn’t recovered a single memory. He has no idea who he is. He sighs.

“I… don’t know”

“That’s alright. The memories will come in portions. It could be confusing if you were suddenly flooded with so much information”

Lecter smiles at him.

“I need to take a look at other patients and then we can go for that walk, is that alright?”

“Yes, thank you”

Lecter lies on the bed again and watches the man leave the room. A nurse appears instead and takes care of him. She changes the sheets and gets him a glass of water. He drinks it and looks through the window. Fascinating.

He remembers the language, he knows how to speak, he knows most of the items in the room and their functions but he cannot remember who he is. He cannot remember any, even the most minute detail from his life.

The doctor reappears after a few minutes and helps him get up. He limps awkwardly and somehow they get to the corridor. Lecter tries to free himself from the doctor’s arms and tries to walk all by himself. His posture is crooked and he cringes when he breathes but he moves forward and takes another step.

Then a man appears at the entrance to the ward. A tall, slim and pale man with blue eyes and chocolate curls on his head. He smiles at Lecter and Hannibal’s eyes widen. The man approaches him, leaving still a bit of space for Hannibal to make another independent step.

“Hello dr Lecter” the man says softly.

He must be hallucinating all this.

“You…” he whispers.

The man from his dream.

“I know you”

The man frowns and then smiles.

“I think it’s rather a good sign?” he seems to be asking the doctor behind Hannibal, who nods and leaves the two men.

Hannibal is still in shock when the man approaches him and, avoiding eye contact, speaks to him.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine” is the whole response; the shock still quite strong.

Hannibal turns to go back to his room. The man follows. Lecter sits on the bed and the man looks for a stool. When he doesn’t find any, he keeps standing.

“Alana told me you woke up. I had come by a few times but it felt like I was talking to myself” the man chuckles.

Hannibal only stares at the man. He has no idea what to say and he doesn’t want to ask any awkward questions, nor does he want to reveal vulnerability.

“She told me you couldn’t remember her name… Do you not remember mine?” there is no accusation in the man’s voice, just curiosity.

“I’m sorry”

“It’s alright. But you said you knew me. In the corridor”

“I do. I mean I don’t know who you are but I dreamt about you. Your face is familiar”

The man’s eyes widen and then narrow. Maybe the confession was too much.

“What was I doing in your dream?” again, simple curiosity.

“We were talking. We were looking at some photos”

“Huh. Sounds familiar”

“Please” Lecter says while pointing at the place on the bed next to him, for the man to sit.

“We were looking at some pictures just a few days ago. Do you remember?” the man continued while he takes a seat next to Lecter.

“Not really, no”

“Well… But do you remember anything? Like, a recipe for your favourite dish? Or if you’re married?”

Hannibal is getting tired and upset because no, he cannot recall any information. He feels he should talk to the man, feels the dreams were somehow giving him a sign that this man is a crucial character in his life. But Lecter allows his emotions take over him and instead of cold calculated ‘Tell me everything’ he utters “I think I need some rest”

“Of course” the man says and stands up again “I’ll come visit tomorrow” he says and disappears.

Hannibal realizes the man didn’t reveal his name. So the man form his dreams remains _the man form his dreams_. Lecter stares through the window and tries to concentrate. He looks at the sky, which becomes darker and darker until it is almost completely black. It resembles his mind. Emptiness. Nothing. Only this one face… He falls asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

It resembles a thunderstorm. There is a flash of light and a short shot like in a movie. He feels happy, he feels excited. He knows the road so well he doesn’t even have to look at it. The snow falls on the windscreen and makes him see less and less but he slows down only a bit. He needs to get there soon, almost as soon as possible. The road is slippery and even though he has excellent tyres and a system in his car to prevent any loss of control over the vehicle, he has already experienced some difficulties.

A flash of light. He feels his car swerve even though he didn’t turn the wheel. He slides on the road for a few seconds and then the car turns upside down when it goes off the road and to the nearest ditch.

He can’t think of anything. Everything happens too quickly and then he sees a face behind his eyelids. The face.

He smiles for a millisecond before the car hits the ground and he falls unconscious.

~~~

He wakes up with a small gasp. He knows his dreams are memories. So he is getting better. He still cannot remember any personal details or people he knows but the memories come back. Slowly. And in very small portions.

The familiar doctor entered the room.

“I heard you wake up. Is everything alright?” the man asked with a polite smile.

“Yes. Yes! I’m starting to remember. I dreamt about what happened. I remember the accident”

“That’s good. I told you it would come”

The bad news is – it is only the accident that he can remember. Still nothing from before.

“When can I be checked out? I need to go home”

“Well, your state is relatively good but I’d wait a few more days. Until the pain in your chest stops and you can breathe easily. I would also recommend a visit to your therapist” the doctor stopped when he noticed a change in Lecter’s expression “You have a psychiatrist. And you should definitely see her when you leave the hospital”

“Yes. I’ll do that”

The doctor leaves and a woman, Alana, comes in.

“Hello, Hannibal” she finds a stool and takes a seat.

Was this stool here yesterday?

“Hello” he answers, returning her warm smile.

“How are you feeling? Still have the pain in your chest?”

“Yes. Yes, unfortunately, it’s still present. But I seem to be recovering memories”

“That’s very good” she touches his hand lightly “What do you remember?”

“The accident. I dreamt about it”

“Well that’s probably one of the worst things you could remember. But it sounds like progress”

“I hope more will come soon because I can’t keep lying in here and do nothing. I need to go home”

“You know it can be actually a positive experience. You can build your person from scratch. I know you want to remember who you are and what you like but it is a rare opportunity for you to start something new”

“But how can I know I’m trying something new if I don’t remember doing anything? I may be just reliving everything”

“Touché”

“I want to go home and get to know myself”

“I understand. You should see your psychiatrist; I’m sure she’ll be helpful” Alana smiled and stood up “I’ll go. I just came here before work to see how you’re doing. I’ll leave you to your dreams now” she smiles and leaves the room.

But he doesn’t want to sleep. He doesn’t need any more sleep. He wants reality. He uncovers his body and stands up. He approaches the window and looks through it. It’s so weird – he cannot think of anything. He seems to know only this room and only three people. He closes his eyes and concentrates on his breathing.

Suddenly, in the utter silence of the room he hears someone’s voice.

“Why’d you stop being a surgeon?”

He opens his eyes and looks around the room only to find it empty. Is he hearing voices now? But it sounded familiar. A bit hoarse but overall soft and caring.

He tries to match the voice to a situation, a setting where he could have heard it. Nothing. But the voice…

“Mr Lecter”

Hannibal turns around and sees the doctor.

“You’ll be able to go home in two days. We’ll run some more tests and if everything is alright, you’ll be free to go”

“That’s perfect. Thank you”

“Look, I know you have a psychiatrist and that memories started to come back to you slowly but if you need more help with recovering them, you can always come here, see the hospital psychologist, maybe use an unconventional method. Anything to help you remember”

“Thank you. I’ll take you up on that offer if necessary”

Then the doctor is gone and Hannibal, once again, alone in the room.

He thinks about the man from his dreams. He still doesn’t know his name. And he didn’t even have a normal conversation with him. He got upset because he felt hopeless and now he wanted to see the man again.

Hannibal finds some magazines in the corridor and takes a few with him to bed. He sits and opens the first magazine. About cooking. He stares at all those beautiful dishes and fascinating recipes and he wonders. The man asked him yesterday if he remembered his favourite dish. He doesn’t. But is it possible he was fond of cooking? Is that why all those pictures look so attractive? Or maybe it’s the terrible hospital food?

He finds he’s not interested in the rest of the magazines. They broach the subject of celebrities, their weddings, their break ups, their clothes…

He’s not even remotely into that.

He spends the rest of the day hoping the man from his dreams would visit but he does not. Lecter wanders through the corridor and watches. He observes other patients and is fascinated by the general atmosphere of the hospital. He feels invincible, like he is not afraid of anything.

In the evening the doctor comes to visit Hannibal and hands him a small object. A cell phone.

“I believe it’s yours. Maybe it will help with regaining your personality” the man says with a smile and leaves.

Lecter’s gaze on the phone is quite intense. For a moment he is afraid of what he can find there. Then he turns it on. Or rather tries to because the second the phone asks for his PIN number, he freezes. Of course it’s locked. Or course he doesn’t remember the PIN number. He closes his eyes and sighs.

He’s angry but also aware that there is nothing he can do. He doesn’t remember. And he cannot do a single thing about it. Screaming or breaking the phone seems primitive and pointless. He holds onto the object and falls asleep, hoping to find the answer in his dreams.


	4. Chapter 4

He’s happy. He’s in a kitchen. He puts two pieces of meat on a pan and goes to take care of the heart roasting in the oven. He cuts it in even pieces. The divine smell pervades the whole room. He decorates the plates with tomato roses, a final touch. The wine he drinks is perfect. It makes the blood in his veins pump faster.

He’s standing by a kitchen centrifuge which is filled with blood extract. He switches the machine on and it begins to whirl. Then he turns the machine off and takes the container with the liquid.

“I have a butcher who carries sow’s blood. Centrifugate, separate the matter from the water. Creates a transparent liquid”

He pours said transparent liquid into another container, careful not to stain it with red. He continues speaking.

“Serve with tomatoes in suspension.  Everybody will love the sweet taste”

He looks in front of him and sees a man. The man. The pale, tall and slim man with blue eyes, wearing a plaid shirt.

“Are you sure you can’t stay?” he asks politely but he honestly hopes the man would stay.

“Uh. I don’t think I’d be good company” the man looks a bit intimidated; he still avoids eye contact, looks at a waiter behind him.

“I disagree” Lecter says and the man frowns shortly.

 ~~~

He wakes slowly, lets his eyes linger for a moment before he opens them fully.

No answers. Just more questions. That’s what his dreams are providing him with. Hannibal focuses on his steady breathing and makes a decision – he will discover the world anew. He will experience everything he can. He wants to lose himself in this second life.

He smiles and gets up. He needs to take a walk.

Lecter enters the corridor and realizes he can smell food, breakfast. The smell hits him hard and he suddenly remembers the smell from his dream. He recalls the smell of the man from his dream. His brain seems to cooperate with his nose and he is battered with memories of different smells, different perfumes.

He goes though the corridor and peeks into other rooms. He doesn’t even have to come inside to smell various diseases and conditions. He is fascinated by his extraordinary sense. His smile becomes wider as he truly embraces his own self.

“Mr Lecter?” calls someone behind him.

Hannibal turns and sees a man in a white cloth, a doctor, but not the one he’s familiar with.

“You should be in your room. It’s time for the morning check out”

“I’m sorry. I needed to stretch my legs”

“Please, let’s return to your room”

The men enters the sterile space painted white and Lecter sits on the bed.

“I have your record and it says you leave tomorrow but I still need to check on you. How are you feeling Mr Lecter?”

“Fine. I really couldn’t be better. I’m looking forward to coming back home” Hannibal offers a smile.

“Do you still experience pain in the chest?” the doctor asks after looking at the card with information about Hannibal’s medical conditions.

“It’s fading. I’m sure I’ll be perfectly alright by the end of the week”

“Alright then. Please, rest this one more day and tomorrow you’ll be released”

Released. It sounds as if he was captured. Well, in a way he is.

The doctor leaves the room and Lecter looks through the cooking magazine again. He wonders if he could prepare some of the dishes. He dreamt about being so comfortable in the kitchen it felt almost real. Maybe he has a talent? Maybe he can cook. Maybe…

In the evening Lecter takes advantage of an incident with a patient to quietly check the date of his birthday. He comes back to his room and types the year in the phone. Denied. Maybe that would be stupid but he thought he should at least give it a chance.

He lies in his bed and looks through the window, thinking about going home. He’s getting really excited at the prospect. He doesn’t remember anything so it’ll be like entering a new world, one that he hopes isn’t so dull as the hospital walls. Hannibal imagines all possible rooms and paints the imaginary houses in all colours. He hopes he’ll remember everything immediately when he sees his real home.

He finds himself unable to fall asleep later in the evening. All other patients have already turned off their lamps and arrived at the land of dreams. Lecter cannot. He keeps reminding himself the words he thought he has heard before.

‘Why’d you stop being a surgeon?’

Can he trust this? Had he heard the words before? Had he really been a surgeon? He tries to imagine himself in doctor’s clothes and fails. He actually ends up composing a wardrobe of different kinds of shirts. Suddenly, he remembers the man from his dreams and his particular sense of style. He was wearing a plaid shirt and seemingly comfortable pants.

Who was this man? Why did he dream about him? And if he was such an important person in his life why didn’t he visit him today? He said he would, didn’t he?

Lecter closes his eyes and thinks about Alana. She is such a beautiful woman. She kept touching his hand and he felt she cares about him. He could use a friend, now that he lost everything.

He falls asleep with a vision of Alana behind his eyelids.


	5. Chapter 5

_Strange, he shadows me back home,  
_ _Footsteps echo on the stone_

_Grace Jones - Libertango_

 

He wakes up to the smell of breakfast. Honestly, he wants to skip it and just leave as soon as possible. But he doesn’t even have fresh clothes. He realizes it just now – he has to wait for someone to come and collect him. This feels humiliating.

He comes closer to the window and observes people entering and exiting the buildings on the other side of the street.

“Hello, dr Lecter”

Hannibal hears the familiar voice and somehow familiar words and smiles. He thinks he’s hallucinating again but he doesn’t care. Yet he smells something sweet and feverish and turns back.

His eyes meet a bit confused handsome man in a beige sweater standing in the door. The man from his dreams. He can’t believe he still doesn’t know his name. The man’s holding a couple of bags. He hands one to Lecter.

“Alana couldn’t come and called me to pick you up. I brought you my own clothes. You can return them some day when we meet”

“Thank you” Hannibal takes the offered bag and goes to the bathroom to change.

The man sits on the bed and notices the magazine Hannibal was reading. It makes him smile.

Lecter reappears after a minute and looks at the man in bewilderment. The man returns the gaze.

“The shirt is a bit too tight but it’s only for the duration of the drive”

“Will you…drive me home?” Hannibal asked shyly.

“Of course” the man smiles and leaves the room.

Hannibal follows. They go to see the doctor who lets Hannibal out of the hospital. Then they go to the parking lot and get into the man’s car. For a short moment Hannibal wonders what could happen; he barely knows the man. But who would care about a middle aged man that just got out of the hospital? And he doesn’t seem like a criminal type.

They drive in silence for a few minutes and then Hannibal can’t stand it any longer.

“You didn’t tell me your name”

The man chuckles and for a second takes his eyes off the road to glance at Hannibal.

“I didn’t. And I’m not going to…You’d hate me for making it easy for you” the man offers an awkward smile.

He means ‘the old’ him. What kind of man was he?

They park in front of a nice house. In a nice neighbourhood. Hannibal admires the building and is aware the man is watching him.

“Thank you for driving me. And for the clothes”

The man hesitates for a moment and then speaks.

“You know, maybe I could come in with you. For a cup of coffee. Before I have to go to work”

Hannibal senses the man’s intentions and it annoys him. He doesn’t want to be babysat but he nods anyway.

They enter the fairly big house and Hannibal tries not to look everywhere like an excited child. He doesn’t want to reveal any more weaknesses.

Hannibal takes slow steps and somehow ends up in the kitchen. It’s not a magnetic force that drives him there, no, rather a smell. There is no food presented in the room but he could swear he can smell all the delicious meals he’s prepared there.

Suddenly, he hears a voice again. His own voice. It’s a memory. Or rather, a part of it. He hears himself speak.

‘Never apologize for coming to me. Office hours are for patients. My kitchen is always open to friends’

Then he remembers his dream. When he was with the man in that same kitchen. And he wanted him to stay.

He turns to look at the man, who raises an eyebrow.

“Please, have a seat. I’ll make that coffee”

The man smiles and sits by the counter. He still watches Hannibal move around the kitchen and look for things. Lecter doesn’t behave like someone who suffers from memory loss. Occasionally, he opens the wrong cabinet but overall he seems to be comfortable.

When the coffee is ready, Hannibal puts some sugar into the man’s cup and hands it to him. The man narrows his eyes, takes a sip of the coffee and smiles.

“Memories coming back?” he asks.

Hannibal frowns and it is only then when he realizes he made the coffee sweet without asking the man how much (and if) the man takes sugar in his drink. He blinks.

They finish their coffee and the man stands up.

“Thank you for the coffee. I think it’s best if I leave you now, let you discover yourself”

“Thank you again for the drive” Hannibal says in return and closes the door behind the man.

He’s free. Finally.

He walks around the house. He discovers his study, his bedroom, his bathrooms. What he finds weird is that there are no photos in frames. Of himself or his friends, nothing. He looks through his wardrobe to get to know his own style of fashion. He’s certainly not disappointed and rather amazed by the variety of clothes. Different suits, shirts, shoes. The rooms told him he’s a sophisticated kind of man but the clothes… they were the true eye opener.

He looks through his books in the study. Multiple cookery books and piles of medical stuff as well as psychiatry journals. He notices drawings on tables and wonders. Did _he_ draw all this? He’s flooded with thoughts, finally.

So he really likes cooking. He was a doctor, a surgeon. He now probably is a psychiatrist. But these are all conclusions, not memories. He still doesn’t remember his patients or even friends. His best and worst moments in life.

He hears a phone. Not his cellphone, that still is off since he still doesn’t remember the PIN code, no, the phone at his house. He doesn’t remember where it is so he follows the sound. He answers it.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Hannibal” a woman’s voice; Alana “I couldn’t reach your mobile so I called your house. Are you settled? Is everything alright?”

“Yes, thank you. I’m wandering around the house and try to figure myself out”

“That’s good. I’m sure you’ll know who you are soon. Listen, I’m in Washington now; that’s why I couldn’t pick you up but I’ll visit you as soon as I’m back, alright?”

“Yes, thank you”

“Goodbye, Hannibal”

“Goodbye”

Lecter spends the whole night walking around the house and touching everything. He reads some of the books, or parts of them. He tries on the clothes, tries to think how he feels when he’s wearing them.

He finds a notebook with names and addresses and phone numbers. Probably names of his friends, not patients. Hopefully. He considers the notebook useless, really. Since it’s late and he shouldn’t be calling anyone at this hour; and also he doesn’t know what to talk about with those people.

He wasn’t struck with a lightning of memories and he starts to considering talking to Alana. Maybe it’ll be better if she simply taught him about himself? Maybe there’s no other way than to show his vulnerability…

He falls asleep at dawn.


	6. Am I a good man?

He wakes up after noon. He hears his neighbour mowing the lawn and a phone ringing probably in a house next door. He approaches the wardrobe and chooses a cream shirt and brown trousers. Nothing more.

He goes to the kitchen and opens the fridge. Not much. And most of the food isn’t fresh anymore. He sighs.

He looks for his personal stuff and finds a wallet. With quite a sum inside. And a couple of credit cards. And his ID.

He decides to go shopping for some food. But before he exits the house, he hears his phone ring. He answers it.

“Hello?”

“Good afternoon, Hannibal” a woman’s voice, one he doesn’t recognise “I’ve heard you’re back home”

“Yes. Um, may I ask who’s calling?”

“Certainly. I’ve been told you suffer from memory loss. I’m dr Du Maurier. I’m your psychiatrist”

“My psychiatrist? Oh, yes. The doctor in the hospital told me I should see you”

“That’s why I’m calling, Hannibal. You’ve just returned from hospital after a terrible accident so I thought we could meet for dinner? And then talk about your condition”

Talk to his psychiatrist during dinner? First time he hears about such a cozy treatment.

“Well, I was just going to buy some food to make dinner. You are welcome to come. In about two hours maybe?”

“That’s perfect. I’ll see you soon, then”

He smiles and frowns. Another woman in his life. And she sounded rather friendly. And offered a therapy by a nice dinner.

He opens one of the cookery books and finds a recipe he wants to try. He leaves the house and walks along the street. Turns out there are no shops near his house. He’s afraid he’ll get lost so he goes back home. He feels broken; he feels like a child. He turns on his tablet he found the night before and looks online for the nearest shops. He takes a taxi and after an hour he’s back home with all necessary ingredients.

He’s in the kitchen again. That’s where he’s the most comfortable, he discovers. He pours himself some wine; he stirs some things in the pot and puts the meat on the pan. He feels free again. Just him in this pretty big house. And he can do anything he wants.

Another hour passes and he can hear a knock at his front door. He goes to answer it.

“Hello” he greets cheerfully his guest.

“Hello, Hannibal”

Lecter lets the beautiful woman with blonde hair inside.

“Dinner’s almost ready” he smiles at her and they enter the dining room.

She notices the layout of the table and figures they will sit opposite each other.

“Wine?” he offers and she nods silently, smiling.

He pours her some red liquid and speaks again.

“Make yourself comfortable while I go and fetch us dinner”

He returns after a minute with beautifully decorated plates which he sets in front of the woman and on the other side of the table.

“Smells delicious” she says and he smiles at the compliment, shy.

“I hope it tastes as good”

They take the first bite and it really is divine. She doesn’t want to strike a nerve but feels compelled to speak.

“It seems like some parts of you haven’t and will never change”

“I found the recipe in a book and wondered if I could prepare such a dish. Turns out I can”

They smile and he realizes he enjoys watching dr Du Maurier savour the meal. He decides to lower his walls.

“Please, tell me, why do I see a psychiatrist?” he takes another bite.

She looks at him and narrows her eyes.

“Well, we have rather an unconventional relationship. I see you as a psychiatrist though I retired some time ago. I undertook the task because I like you” she offers a smile; not a seductive one but something about it makes Hannibal lower his gaze “And because you refused to see another psychiatrist” she adds.

“That still doesn’t answer my question” it’s his time to offer an extremely intimidating face expression.

Her eyes widen a bit and she takes another mouthful.

“Would you call me a good person?” he asks, genuinely curious.

She offers a polite and apparently forced smile and he knows the answer is ‘no’, though she won’t utter it.

“You are a complicated man, Hannibal. You wouldn’t call yourself a good person because you don’t believe in such simple concepts. You’ve given up good and evil”

He frowns but wonders. He’s got this big house, expensive clothes, a very well-spoken psychiatrist, many acquaintances in a notebook and somehow he feels he doesn’t like this. He craves something simple. He wants to be told he’s a good man.

“People respect you, Hannibal. And they need you. So I hope you’ll start seeing your patients soon”

“I think I need a few more days alone”

“I believe it would do you good if you went to your office. You spend so much time there, it must be filled with your presence. Maybe that’s where you’ll find yourself”

He smiles and they finish the meal.

When Hannibal walks dr Du Maurier to the door she speaks.

“You were supposed to attend an event in the opera next Saturday. It may be another chance for you to see your colleagues and experience something you enjoy. It will give you a taste of what kind of man you are”

“I will consider it. Thank you for reminding me. And thank you for the lovely evening” he says calmly, reserved.

Dr Du Maurier offers the same polite and forced smile. ‘It’s like she doesn’t feel comfortable around me’ he thinks. Did something happen between them? Something bad?

He looks at the clock. Nearly five. He browse through his notebook aimlessly. Suddenly, a phone rings. His eyes widen. Could it be…?

“Hello?” he asks, cautiously.

“Hello, dr Lecter” a hoarse but soothing voice greets him “I was wondering how you’re feeling”

“Good. I just had dinner with dr Du Maurier” 'and wanted to call you but I have no idea what your name is'.

“Oh. Your psychiatrist, correct?”

“Yes”

“Was she helpful? In recovering your memories?”

“Not in a way I expected. But she offered some help, yes”

“No one is going to provide you with a book about yourself” a quiet chuckle on the other line and then “But then again you could read some of your own books. You wrote a couple. Mostly about psychiatric issues”

“I think I saw one in the study”

A moment of silence and hesitation before Hannibal speaks.

“May I have a request?”

“Of course. Anything I can do to help”

“Could you take me to my office?” he asks quietly.

“Well... yes. I think we even have an appointment scheduled for tomorrow”

An appointment? So the man is his patient? It didn’t feel like it. But then again, he keeps calling him ‘dr Lecter’.

“And what about today? I don’t mean to impose but if you were free today…”

“You sound like you really need to go there”

“I think it may help me gain some clarity”

“Well I’m just heading back home form a… never mind. I’ll see you in an hour, is that alright?”

“Yes. Thank you”


	7. Will

Hannibal washes the dishes and then looks for the keys to his office. He must have them somewhere. He finds a few business cards and a set of keys. Is that it? He keeps looking for other keys in case the ones he already found are not proper. He finds out he has a cellar but the moment he wants to open the door and explore, he hears a knock at his front door.

“Good evening” he says and the man in front of him smiles.

The drive isn’t long but they don’t exchange any words. Hannibal looks through the window and the man keeps his eyes on the road, occasionally catching a glimpse of the doctor.

Lecter hesitates before he puts the key inside the keyhole. The first one doesn’t fit so he tries another. This time the door opens and the men step inside.

There is a waiting room. A space with a few chairs, a few paintings set in a row and a lamp which Lecter turns on. The next door leads to the actual office and Lecter enters the room; the man behind him follows.

Hannibal looks around the space. At the centre he finds two chairs set opposite each other. In the distance there is a desk and a fire place. There are a lot of bookcases and paintings around. There is also a ladder that leads upstairs where there seem to be even more books.

The room feels as if it was filled with emotions. And memories. Hannibal hears himself speak.

'Good evening, Will'

'Do you ever feel abandoned, Will?'

Hannibal’s eyes widen, lips form a smile.

"Will" Hannibal whispers; he remembers Alana mentioned this name in the hospital.

"You remember" Will returns the smile.

"Yes"

Another memory.

'Am I your psychiatrist or are we simply having conversations?'

Exactly what he was wondering. Who is Will?

Lecter looks at the man and his nostrils sense a sweet feverish scent. He knows he smelt it before. And it’s a bad sign, a symptom of…

“Encephalitis” Hannibal murmurs.

“Excuse me?” Will steps closer to Lecter.

Hannibal blinks and remembers his dream when he smelt the man, he remembers Will had come to him after a sleepless night.

“You’re sleepwalking, you’re experiencing hallucinations. You…you have encephalitis, Will”

Will cannot hide his shock and confusion.

“You need to see a doctor, a neurologist. Your brain is inflamed”

“How do you…?” Will massages his temples “Do you remember all this or…?”

“I can smell it. And I remember. I had those dreams about you” a pause “I just know”

“Alright, then. I’ll go see a neurologist first thing tomorrow…” he watches Lecter nod and look around the room further “Do you recall anything else?”

Hannibal observes the paintings on the walls and on the table. He opens a notebook with time and names – his patients, presumably. He walks around the room and takes a seat.

Will watches the doctor with slight amusement and takes a seat opposite the man. They sit in silence for a minute, Hannibal stares at everything around him.

“We’ve sat in these chairs so many times. They hold among its molecules the vibrations of all our conversations ever held in their presence. All the exchanges, the petty irritations, deadly revelations”

“The grunts and poetry of life” Hannibal remarks.

“Everything we've ever said. Listen” a pause “What do you hear?” Will asks.

“A melody” Lecter says, smiling.

Will returns the smile. Hannibal doesn’t seem to be completely different. He’s changed, confused but not exactly a new person.

“I don’t remember any of my patients. How am I supposed to help them?” Hannibal asks quietly.

“You make notes. You have so many notebooks here. Read them” Will advises.

“What if I…” he pauses, not wanting to show doubt but he feels comfortable around Will so he continues “What if I can’t help them? I suffer from memory loss. All my training as a psychiatrist-“

“Is still somewhere in your head. You only have to reach for it”

Hannibal feels ashamed for his weakness. He stands up, approaches the desk and takes the notebook with his appointments.

“I’ll stay here and check the most recent appointments. I’ll do everything in my power to bring back stability to my life. And to lives of others”

Will smiles at that.

“So should I leave you now?”

“Yes. Thank you for driving me”

“No problem. Oh and… I may need to cancel our appointment tomorrow, if the neurologist confirms your diagnosis”

Hannibal nods. He definitely wouldn’t like to see Will for therapy. He’s still not sure how the sessions between them look like.

“Will you inform me about the results?”

“Yeah. If you’re right and they check me in, we can have our appointment in the hospital. With me in bed this time” he chuckles.

Hannibal offers a polite and somehow sympathetic smile and it makes Will cringe internally. He leaves the office.

Lecter stays and looks through the notebook. He sees a few names repeat often and writes them down on a separate piece of paper. He stands up and steps on the ladder to ascend. He walks by the books and notebooks of different colours, most of them marked with colourful circles. He looks for the notebooks with his remarks about patients the names of whom he wrote down. He finds all of them after some time and settles in the chair to start reading. He doesn’t fall asleep until three o’clock in the morning.


	8. Chapter 8

He wakes at nine to the ring of the phone. Who would call him at his office? A patient, maybe?

“Hello?”

“Hello, Hannibal” Alana; it makes him calm somehow “I couldn’t reach you at home and Will told me he’d left you at your office last night”

“Yes. I asked him to drop me here. Dr Du Maurier advised me to look around my office for any clarity about myself”

“I suppose that was a good idea. You do spend a lot of time there” a pause of consideration “So have you? Found any clarity”

“I have. I was reading my notes about some of my patients during the night and I learnt a lot about my style of providing help. And about my handwriting”

He hears her chuckle on the other line. It makes him smile. Suddenly, a flash of reasonable thinking strikes him.

“Alana, what happened to my car? After the accident”

“Oh yes, I was going to mention that. It’s completely crashed. They said it can’t be repaired so you need to confirm it can be destroyed. You’ll probably have to pay for it”

“That’s a shame. I didn’t even have a chance to drive it” he says playfully.

She smiles on the other line, he knows that.

“Oh and one more thing, Alana”

“Yes?”

“I don’t remember the PIN to my cell phone”

“Oh. Um, maybe you could look for the documents you signed when you bought it. Or you could reach the call centre”

“Thank you”

“You know, I have to be at Quantico today but maybe we could meet later in the afternoon?”

“Gladly” he thinks about Will and that he’d like to visit him in the hospital _if_ he stays there “But I need to tend to some matters and I’ll let you know, hopefully from my cell phone. Is that alright?”

“Of course. So see you soon”

“Bye”

Will was supposed to tell him if he was diagnosed with encephalitis so Hannibal needs to stay near a phone. Either the one in the office or the one at home. Then he can worry about the cell phone and about breakfast.

Then he suddenly realises Alana mentioned that Will had told her he’d left him in his office. But she didn’t say if he’s in the hospital or if he’s seen a neurologist. Maybe he neglected completely his advice? Lecter decides to wait for a call nevertheless.

When he waits, he finds a few empty notebooks. He wonders whether he has ever written a diary. It seems a bit girly and melancholic but that would actually help him now. And he could call it a journal. That would sound less teenage.

He thinks it’s weird – he saw his handwriting yesterday in his other notebooks but he hasn’t written anything since he left the hospital. Is he even able to? How will it feel? Is his handwriting different now? He opens one of the notebooks and starts writing on the second page.

_Day 1_

_Fascinating. I know the language. I know how to write. And the handwriting looks a bit similar to the one I’ve seen in my other notebooks. I wonder_

He takes another piece of paper and starts drawing the letters in different forms. He tries to create different shapes for the particular letters and he’s enjoying it. He’s impressed with his own ability to fake his handwriting. He discovers he is very good at drawing beautiful shapes and calligraphy. He smiles like a child, wrinkles shape around his eyes. He feels young and carefree. He continues the entry in the notebook.

_I am torn between people. I only have just met three that seem to be important in my life and I still don’t know how to feel about them and how they feel about me. My psychiatrist seems friendly but her behaviour resembles that of a blackmailed person. Am I that terrifying? Or was I? I have also a friend, Alana, who is extremely helpful and caring. But I wonder if maybe she is someone more than just a friend. And then there is Will. Oh my god, I should have written a journal ages ago. Now I would just read it and know everything I need. Will is helpful, too. He seems to be rooted very deeply in my mind as he recurs in my dreams. But he’s also a patient of mine? I am very confused about our relationship._

A ring of the phone interrupts him.

“Hello?”

“Hello, dr Lecter” Will, Hannibal smiles and sighs with relief “You didn’t answer your phone at home so I figured you’d still be in the office”

“I stayed for the night and read some of my notebooks. I was waiting for your call”

“Oh. Did you think I’d disregard what you said?”

“I hoped you wouldn’t”

“Well I didn’t. I saw a neurologist. I had an MRI and they confirmed your diagnosis. I have encephalitis. I’m staying here for the next few days. They said it’s good it was found at an early stage. So I guess I have to thank you. You were right, as always”

“I wish I wasn’t”

“Well, it’s not your fault I’m ill. I’m only wondering… Look, I trust you. I hope you’d have told me earlier if you knew. I’m assuming you didn’t”

Lecter doesn’t answers immediately. He’s mad at himself.

“I honestly can’t remember, Will”

“That’s alright” a pause “So, what are your plans for today?”

“I’m seeing Alana later today. But I was wondering if maybe I could visit you?”

“Oh. Of course. Just… I didn’t tell Alana about the whole my-brain-is-inflamed thing. I don’t need pity. Not from her”

“Well, if you’re staying there for some time, don’t you think she should know? She’ll find out eventually”

“I guess”

Hannibal has an idea.

“Maybe we could arrange it somehow”

“What do you have in mind?”

“You said you trusted me”

“Yes”

“You don’t want to tell her?”

“Not really, no”

“I think she’d understand that. She knows you, doesn’t she?”

“I would assume so”

“Let me take care of that. She won’t be angry for long”

“Alright. So I see you soon?”

“Yes. Goodbye, Will”

He finds himself mesmerised by the name on his tongue. He feels like he repeated it so many times, yet it didn’t lose its magic for him.

Hannibal calls for a taxi. He takes his ‘journal’ and wallet and keys and goes back home. He finds his cell phone and he decides to look for the documents attached to the phone when he bought it. But before he starts to do so, he turns on the phone. He’s got two tries left. He sighs and thinks that one more failed attempt may be worth it. He types 9455. For fun. Just to humour himself.

The phone turns on and he’s welcomed by an electronic sound. It worked. His eyes widen. He finds all the phone numbers and names attached to them, some notes, some events marked in the calendar. Not much. He’s got everything on paper; that’s the way he prefers.

He’s so shocked and amused he calls another taxi. He takes his coat and wallet and leaves.

“Where to?” the driver asks.

“To the hospital”

The driver chuckles.

“Which one?”

“Oh. Um…” he didn’t think of that “The nearest one?”

On his way there he calls Will.

“Dr Lecter?”

“Yes. I managed to turn on my cell phone and I’m on my way to the hospital. But please, tell me which one are you in?”

When he hears the address, he freezes. Another state? Where exactly does Will live?

“Um. It may be more difficult than I thought”

“Don’t you have GPS in your car?”

“But my car was crashed. I had an accident, Will”

Will chuckles.

“You have another car. Wait, if you’re not driving then where are you?”

“I called a cab”

That makes Will laugh out loud.

“Well, then you should probably return home”

“I want to visit you”

“How about I tell Alana about my condition and you’ll both visit tomorrow?”

No. Hannibal had a plan.

“Let me tell her. I’ll explain that you didn’t want her to worry”

“Alright. So see you tomorrow?”

“Goodbye, Will”

Again, the foreign but so familiar name on his tongue.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic stretched beyond my first expectations but i hope You''ll like the rest i have planned

Hannibal tells the driver to change the route. He wants to go a shop. He needs ingredients for today’s dinner with Alana. And a recipe, to be honest. He cannot remember any. He decides he will buy more food so he’ll be able to use the rest tomorrow. And he’s certain he’ll find a recipe that will require the food he’ll buy.

He thinks about his failure earlier. He’s not even ashamed of the whole situation, rather unhappy about the outcome. He promised Will he’d visit him and he genuinely wanted to see him but he didn’t realise he didn’t know where the man lives. Where does Alana live?

He goes back home and places the food in the fridge and on the counter. He looks through his cookbooks in the study to find something nice. Most of the dishes presented there seem pretty difficult and time-consuming but he figures he has nothing better to do and he enjoys being in the kitchen. That’s where he’s most comfortable.

He browses through the records he found the other night and put one on the record player standing by. Somehow the music sounds familiar. He hums to the delicate notes generated by the piano.

He noticed a harpsichord when he made a tour around the house on the first night and he wondered whether he can play it. But he didn’t have a courage to find out.

Now he sits down by the instrument and straightens. He looks at the notes before him. He’s not sure whether he can understand them. He places his fingers softly on the keyboard. He presses one key gently. The sound is foreign. It doesn’t resemble the piano. It’s more alive, he thinks. The music arrives like experience, sudden and entire. The piano has the quality of a memory.

He wants to play something but the record is still playing and he doesn’t want to interrupt. Not now.

He goes to the kitchen and looks at the clock. He places the recipe he chose on the counter prominently. He calls Alana. With his cell phone, exactly like he promised.

“Hello, Hannibal” her voice carries the promise of safety.

“Hello”

“I see you’ve managed to turn on your cell phone”

“Yes. I may have worked the PIN out, rather than remember it”

“Either way, it worked”

“I was wondering, when do you finish work?”

“The dinner, I remember. I can be at your place at six, is that alright?”

“Of course. I’ll see you then”

He looks at the clock; he has a few hours left. And the dinner can be prepared in two, maybe.

Will told him he has another car so Hannibal starts looking for the keys. He constantly discovers new items in this house. He finds a set of car keys, takes his coat and leaves the house. How could he have not noticed the car before? It’s just standing there, waiting to be used. Elegant, black BMW. He gets inside and smells the leather seats. And he sees the GPS indeed. He turns it on and looks for a way to his office. It turns out easier then he thought. He tries to remember the way because he knows he will cover it more often soon.

Then he just drives around the city, discovers all the streets and alleys anew. He sees shops and parks and playgrounds. It’s like he just got here from another city and he has to adjust. He starts getting calls on his cell. Lots of different people wishing him well and hoping he’s alright, and that he would be seeing patients soon, and that he’s hoped to appear in the opera next Saturday. He doesn’t remember any of those people and some of them feel offended.

When he gets back home the phone rings again and Hannibal sighs. He’s grown tired of hearing the ringtone and of explaining how he can’t remember anything but trying his best.

The screen shines at him and says _Franklyn Froideveaux_.

“Hello?”

“Hello, dr Lecter. It’s such a relief you’re back home. You have no idea how worried I was”

“Thank you so much. I am rather well but I still have difficulty with recalling plenty of things”

“Oh. So you … you don’t remember me?”

Hannibal does remember the name from his notebooks, it’s one of his patients.

“I know we have sessions and I help you in understanding yourself” fairly cliché but he cannot think of anything better right now.

“So you know who I am. Look, I was wondering when you’ll start seeing patients again because I really need your help. My friend, Tobias, who I told you about, he… well, I’d rather not talk about it on the phone”

“I’m sorry Franklyn but I haven’t decided yet when I’ll resume the sessions. I’ll let you know as soon as I do”

“You can always start with just one patient”

Hannibal knows what Franklyn means and sighs silently.

“I really need a bit more time, Franklyn. I’ll call you as soon as I return to my office practice”

“Alright, then. And you know, we can always meet outside of your office”

Weird. Is that another ‘unconventional patient’, like Will? Anyway, he seems rather annoying and imposing.

“Right now I need some rest. Goodbye, Franklyn”

Hannibal checks the time on the clock and sets about to preparing the dinner.

He’s not done when he hears a knock on the front door. It’s still half an hour till six. The door reveals Alana.

“Hello, Hannibal. I’m sorry I’m too early but I thought maybe I could help you in the kitchen? I had a long day”

“Of course. Please, come in”

He takes her coat and they go to the kitchen.

“Shall I pour you a drink?”

“A beer would be perfect, thank you”

He checks in the fridge but sees only wine barrels. She steps closer to him and points at one barrel.

“You don’t remember but this is my own private reserve”

He frowns and takes out the barrel. He pours the beer in the glass and hands it to Alana. He takes his own glass with wine and they clank.

He gives her carrots to chop and goes to check on the meat in the oven. When he turns, he stops for a second. He watches her help in the kitchen, wearing one of his aprons. He’s struck with a memory. Of them. In that same kitchen. He hears his own voice.

‘Are you purposefully avoiding the subject of Will Graham?’

‘You realise those candidates thought we were having an affair? Why didn’t we’

He frowns. He doesn’t realise she’s watching him now.

“Is something wrong? Are you alright?”

“Yes. I just… Sometimes the memories come to me in the most unexpected moments”

“What memory has come to you just now?” she smiles.

“That I indeed bottled this beer myself” he returns the smile.

They finish preparing the dinner. He takes out the meat from the oven. She adds the salad on the plates. He takes the plates to the living room while she takes the glasses. They sit opposite each other and start eating.

“I was wondering when I should resume seeing patients”

“You think you’re ready? Your patients are important but you should focus on yourself now”

“People have been calling me all day. Some of them were my patients. One was unusually impatient to see me” he sighs at the memory.

“You can start with the light cases. To warm up, so to speak. But I doubt that detachment would help. Maybe you could visit Abigail first?”

“Who’s Abigail?”

Alana closes her eyes and shakes her head.

“I forgot to tell you about one of the most important people in your life. And I’m afraid it’s going to be a long story”

“We have all evening” he smiles.

And so she tells him about Will again. That he works for the FBI and needed to be examined by a psychiatrist. That it turned out to be Hannibal. That they started to sort of work together and that one day they entered Hobbs’ house. Where a father killed his wife and nearly killed his daughter.

Hannibal seems calm but he’s fascinated by the story as well as terrified.

“She’s now at Port Haven, it’s not far from here. You should go and visit her. Maybe she’ll help you recover some memories, too. I told her that you were in an accident and she was worried about you. It would be good if you went and showed her you’re alright now”

“I believe it’s a good idea”

They finish dinner and wash the plates together. Alana helps him dry them. Then she takes her glass with some beer left in it and go to the living room. He follows. She sits by the harpsichord.

“Do you remember how to play it?” she seems genuinely curious and a bit worried.

“I haven’t really tried yet” he sits by her side and places his fingers just above the keyboard.

“It would be a shame if you forgot”

He presses one key, gently, as if not wanting it to be too loud in case he’s out of tune. Then, he presses another one. He doesn’t look at the notes before him but rather plays from memory. The music comes easily and he smiles. He’s not sure yet what he’s playing but she’s smiling next to him and that’s enough for now. He concludes the piece and they finish their drinks. He walks her to the door.

About five minutes after she’s gone he gasps. He forgot to tell her about Will. That he’s in a hospital.

Hannibal wanted, or rather needed Alana to take him there. But since he has another car, he can go there by himself.

He spends the rest of the evening looking through the Internet on his tablet and searching for information about Abigail Hobbs. He’s shocked at the news about her father. A cannibal. What a broken or miserable or completely out of one’s mind a person must be to become a cannibal?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTS: Hannibal's gasp at the end was an exact copy of my reaction when i realised i forgot to tell Alana about Will xD


	10. We are her fathers now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> these chapters are getting longer x__x don't know if it's good or bad xD  
> i hope You're still reading and enjoying it because what's the point otherwise?  
> tell me if there's something You don't like or something that's missing ;)  
> or tell me anything really :D i enjoy reading comments :3

He wakes early and makes breakfast. He’s going to visit Abigail. He thinks he shouldn’t go empty-handed. He’d love to bake her a cake but he doesn’t want to waste any more time so he decides to buy something on his way there.

She’s probably lonely since Will is now in hospital and he…well, forgot about her. He finds some casual clothes (or at least the most casual he can find), takes his wallet, cell phone and car keys and leaves the house. He types in the GPS system the location and in no time he’s there.

The ladies at the Port Haven know him and don’t ask any questions. Hannibal, on the other hand, has to ask one.

“Excuse me? I’m here to see Abigail Hobbs. Do you know where she might be?”

A lady in clean light clothes nods her head gently and speaks in an annoyed manner.

“Probably in her room. She refused to go to the yard with the other girls”

“Thank you. Oh, I’m sorry, I completely forgot, which room was that?”

“212, on the top floor”

“Thank you so much”

He ascends the stairs and finds the room 212. He knocks.

“Come in” he hears a girl inviting him in so he opens the door and steps inside.

“Hello, Abigail” he says softly.

“Hannibal” her eyes widen and she approaches him.

He hands her a box he’s holding and smiles. She sits on the bed, pointing a chair for him. He takes a seat and she opens the box from him, offering one of the cupcakes she finds inside. They both take a bite.

“You didn’t bake them” she says; not an accusation but a hint of disappointment.

“I’m afraid not. I wanted to see you as soon as possible so I took the easy way”

“It’s alright. They are just not as good as yours would be” she smiles.

He returns the smile and the comment makes him happy. People consider him a good cook, a good harpsichord player, a good therapist. He finds it reassuring to discover such nice things about himself.

“So, are you feeling better now? Dr Bloom told me you were in an accident and had your ribs crushed”

“It wasn’t as bad as it sounds. But I’m better now, yes” at least physically.

“I’m not. I’m still having nightmares about Nick. And yesterday I dreamt about Marissa being impaled on that antlers. I don’t feel comfortable here”

“This is the only place you should be right now”

“I was wondering… the last time, when I was in your house… the ‘tea’ helped me. I was wondering if maybe you could bring me some more? It calmed me”

“Tea?” Hannibal smiles oblivious “Of course I can bring you tea”

Abigail smirks.

“A lady said you don’t want to go outside” he continues.

“No. Not with the other girls. They look at me… like I’m guilty of all _this_. I’m suffocating here”

“And you will continue to suffocate if you refuse to go outside. You cannot stay in this room forever”

“Especially since it’s not _my_ room in the first place”

“You cannot build a future here. You will need to leave one day and the sooner you face the world the better”

“I have nowhere to go”

“I’ll look for some options for you”

He brushes her hand and she smiles. He wants to help her. He genuinely wants to help other people. He’s ready to resume his practice.

Hannibal leaves Port Haven with a smile on his face and something swelling in his heart. He gets in the car and takes out his phone. He texts Will to give him the address again. When he gets it, he types it in the GPS and starts his engine.

It takes him a while to get there so he has plenty of time to think. He will call his patients that he resumes their sessions starting tomorrow. He will look for some small flats Abigail could rent. Could _he_ offer her a place to stay? Are they this close? Oh and he needs to bring her tea next time he visits.

He parks the car and only now realises he doesn’t have anything for Will. But what exactly could he bring? For someone with encephalitis. He straightens and enters the hospital. He approaches the reception.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for someone. His name is Will Graham. He was diagnosed with encephalitis and was admitted here”

“Are you a family?”

“No. I’m his psychiatrist”

“Oh. Let me check…Will Graham? Room 314, third floor”

“Thank you”

Hannibal takes the elevator and looks for the right room. 314. White door, like all the others White walls, with just a hint of mint. Clean, sterile atmosphere. He steps inside the room and immediately notices Will lying in bed, sleeping.

Hannibal watches the man for a moment. He takes in the dark curls on his head, a little sweaty but still looking soft. Then there are wide closed eyes with what one could say too long for a man eyelashes. His lips are slightly parted to let the air in. Hannibal smiles and turns to the window. He was in such a state just a few days ago.

Hannibal realises he doesn’t smell the sweetness that emanated from Will before. He smells earth and sweat and something like the air after a storm.

Lecter hears a quiet gasp and turns to look at Will who has just woken up.

“Hello, dr Lecter” the man says in an even more hoarse voice than usual.

“Hello, Will”

Hannibal smiles and steps closer to the bed.

“How are you feeling?”

“I feel like you’ve been asked this question a lot lately so you know how annoying it can be”

The remark made Lecter smirk. He stood closely to the bed and Will raised his eyebrows as in ‘Aren’t you going to sit?’

“Forgive me, Will. But I have only good intentions”

“I know. It’s just… I didn’t want to tell anyone exactly because I wanted to avoid this kind of questions”

“I understand”

A moment of silence when Hannibal looks for a stool finally. And then the door opens again and a woman comes in. Alana.

Her steps are measured, calculated; her face assumed a mask of coldness and detachment. Hannibal’s eyes widen while Will makes a grimace.

“I imagine you weren’t going to tell me until you left the hospital” Alana says calmly.

“I didn’t want to make you worried” Will explains.

She nods and turns to Hannibal.

“Did you know?”

Hannibal closes his eyes and is about to answer when Will realises the doctor didn’t tell Alana about him being in the hospital. She found out in some other way.

“He didn’t” Will answers and now Lecter and Alana turn to the man in bed “I called dr Lecter just now because I needed someone to take care of the dogs. My neighbour has to leave for a few days so I needed someone else to take care of them”

Alana nods again and sighs.

“How long are they going to keep you here?”

“The doctor said it’s an early stage so up to a week maybe”

“I think you should consider-”

“What? Quitting? You think I haven’t? I talked to Jack but he wouldn’t listen”

“ _You_ keep doing this to yourself. I can no longer blame Jack for what happens. He keeps pushing you and you let him” her tone is less cold now and more worried, hurt even.

“I’m saving lives, Alana”

“What if one day you won’t be able to save yours?” she lowers her voice, afraid; then she continues a bit angrily “I feel like I care about you more than you do and I’m beginning to get tired of it”

She turns to leave and just a second before she disappears behind the door, she speaks.

“Rest, Will. Many people still need you”

Will closes his eyes and sighs. Hannibal considers what he should do for a moment and leaves the room. He manages to catch Alana before she reaches the stairs.

“Alana! Please, can we talk?”

She turns to him with a calm face.

“We can talk tomorrow during lunch”

“I’m resuming my practice”

She nods.

“I’ll come to your office at eleven, then” she says and descends the stairs.

Lecter returns to the room where Will is, currently sitting with his eyes unfocused and hands clutching at the bed. Lecter feels guilty he hasn’t told Alana like he promised. How could he suspect she wouldn’t find out?

“I’m sorry, Will”

“I thought you were going to tell her” Will said with his eyes still empty and looking through the window.

“I was. I just…forgot”

Will snorts at the words.

“I’ll talk to Alana tomorrow. I’m sure she’ll calm down and understand. She’s a very reasonable woman”

“Yeah”

“You said you needed help with the dogs?”

“Oh. Yeah. That’s actually not a lie. My neighbour really has to leave”

“So should I take care of them?”

“Well… If you wouldn’t mind”

“Of course not. Maybe I could take them to my house for the time you’ll be here? It’d be easier than driving here every day to feed them”

Will chuckles.

“Clearly you forgot I have seven dogs and they’d make a mess of your house”

“Oh”

“But if driving is a problem I could ask someone else”

“No, no. it’s alright. I can do that. You just have to write me your address”

“Of course” Will smiles.

“I’ve seen Abigail today” Hannibal says hesitantly.

“How is she?” Will finally seems to focus.

“She said she’s having nightmares”

“I can relate to that”

“Are you having nightmares?”

Will smiles. Hannibal has forgotten _so much_.

“Definitely less than I used to. Thanks to you” suddenly Will’s face changes, he frowns.

“What is it?” Hannibal asks.

“Huh? Oh, nothing. My brain sometimes just shuts up”

“I’ll leave you to rest, then. Oh and I… decided to see patients again”

“That’s good. We all need something that keeps us grounded”

“I think Abigail influenced my decision”

“Well… we are her fathers now. We influence her as much as she influences us”

Hannibal frowns.

“One more thing. You’ve already been to my house. I gave you the key so you have to look for it at home”

“Alright”

Hannibal is about to leave but he remembers something, something that makes him wonder, so he steps back and speaks.

“Why did you lie when Alana asked if I knew?”

Will considers for a moment his answer.

“It’s already enough she’s mad at me. No reason to ruin your friendship” Will smiles bitterly.

Lecter leaves.

When he returns home he calls his patients that he was supposed to see the next day. He tells them he resumes their therapy and he’ll be available from this day on.

Later in the evening he studies his notebooks on those patients, trying very hard to understand how to help them.


	11. Goodnight dr Lecter

Hannibal wakes early in the morning, washes his face and goes to the kitchen to make breakfast. He makes himself tea and savours the feeling of it. It’s more the feeling of beginning something (even if he’s done it so many times before) than the taste of tea. It’s something he cannot name.

He dresses in a nice but not intimidating suit (omitting the vest; it would be too much). He looks for the key to Will’s house and takes it, along with the keys to his office, his wallet and cell phone. He leaves.

He types the address of his office in the GPS though he remembers the way fairly well. He gets there half an hour before his first patient, to prepare. He takes out his notebooks, gently pushes the curtains aside and looks around to check if the room seems comfortable to him.

He checks his watch and it’s still five more minutes but he opens the door nevertheless and sees his patient already in the waiting room.

“Good morning. Please, come in” he welcomes with a polite smile.

The patient steps inside and sits in the chair.

“I’m very glad you feel better, dr Lecter. Your call might have saved my life yesterday”

“Why is that?”

The patient continues talking and Hannibal responds politely but trying to challenge the patient. Lecter finds himself challenged too and he enjoys it. The hour passes quickly and another patient comes in. Then another. Until eleven. When Alana shows up.

“Good morning, Alana” he says politely while taking his coat and closing the door.

“Good morning”

“Where shall we go?”

“There is a nice café near. I could go for a coffee”

They walk silently, Hannibal still feels a bit guilty but he keeps his head up, his posture straightened. They reach the café, Hannibal of course opens the door for Alana and follows her inside. They sit in a booth and a waitress approaches them.

“Just a coffee”

“And for you, sir?”

“Cappuccino and a cupcake”

Alana frowns and then smiles at the order.

“How is first day seeing patients going?” she asks.

“I’d say it’s going rather well. I don’t exactly remember the patients, I have only short flashes of memories but I treat them as referred patients. I have their history in my notebooks and that’s more or less all I need to know”

“That’s good. Those people need you so it’s good you’re back for them” she offers a polite smile.

The waitress comes with their orders.

“Do you think I overreacted yesterday?” Alana asks calmly, sipping on her coffee.

“I know you worry about Will. Will knows you worry about him and want only what’s best for him. He just didn’t want you to pity him. I think you understand that”

“Of course I do. But I am his friend and it’s obvious to me that friends support each other and tell each other things like that. Now I seem like a bad friend in Jack’s eyes since it was him who told me Will is in the hospital. It makes me look unreliable since Will didn’t want to tell me himself”

Alana looks at Hannibal who frowns and she understands immediately.

“Jack is Will’s boss at Quantico”

“Oh, I see. But believe me, Alana, no one sees you as a bad or unreliable friend. Will just thought it was not worth mentioning since it turned out to be treatable in relatively short time”

Hannibal brushes his fingers against Alana’s hand and smiles, and she returns the smile. They seem to be able to reassure each other when necessary.

“Are you okay with taking care of Will’s dogs?” she asks after a moment of silence.

“Yes. I’ll go there after my last appointment to let them out and feed them”

“If you want, I can go with you”

“No. I think I’ll be fine. Thank you for offering but it’ll do me good to spend some more time alone and think”

“Well…Don’t think too much” she smiles at him and…was that a wink?

He returns the smile and they finish their drinks. They leave the café and each goes in a different direction. Hannibal returns to the office and sees his three other patients.

One of them, Franklyn, makes Lecter doubt in his ability to help people. This guy is just so imposing. He never shuts up and the worst part is – he constantly pity himself. Hannibal would consider him pathetic but he’s a psychiatrist, he has to help the man.

Franklyn tells about his friend, Tobias, whom Lecter apparently met at the opera some time ago. Tobias allegedly says very dark things and Franklyn becomes afraid of him. Those incidents are supposed to be only jokes but who really knows what’s hiding inside Tobias’ mind?

After the last patient, Hannibal takes the car and drives at the given by Will address. It’s a fairly long drive. Hannibal discovers a CD player and he presses play, curious what he may hear. _Bach_. He just knows it’s Bach.

He parks on the driveway and get out of the car. It’s rather chilly, he puts up his collar and goes to the door. He opens it and steps inside where he is immediately greeted by a pack of furry animals. He smiles and crouches to pet them. He notices that they leave fur on his coat so he stands up. He opens the door and they run out of the house.

Hannibal takes the liberty to walk around the house. He watches the shelves filled with books. He sees the fireplace and beds for the dogs. There is a lot of trinkets and figurines. It’s such a simple space but Hannibal likes it; it fills his heart with domestic warmth. The only relatively bad thing about it is the smell of the dogs.

There is a piano which Lecter immediately approaches but is somewhat afraid to touch as if the action would leave prints, signs he was there. He presses one key gently, then another few, a simple combination and he notices the piano is slightly out of tune. The sound brought one of the dogs back home. It starts to circle Hannibal and sniff at him.

Lecter turns and notices a boat engine leaning against a chair. Then he sees a desk but it resembles more of a fisherman’s station. There is a flying gear and plenty of fishing lures. Hannibal touches one of them, careful not to cut himself. He blinks. He’s been here before.

He goes to the kitchen and looks for some food for the dogs. There is not much for Will but plenty of snacks for dogs. Hannibal brought some sausages but it may not be enough. He finds ingredients he can use to feed the animals.

When everything is ready he opens the door and whistles for the dogs. They don’t mind Hannibal and go straight to the kitchen. Lecter, on the other hand, settles in the chair and savours the atmosphere of the house. The only sound is the one made by the eating dogs. Hannibal feels so peaceful, he falls asleep.

He wakes when he hears his phone ring. He doesn’t even look at the screen and answers. It’s already dark outside. He sits in the darkness of the room.

“Hello?”

“Hello, dr Lecter. I hope I’m not interrupting anything”

“No. I was just…” can he say he fell asleep in the man’s house?

Suddenly, the dogs start to bark and Hannibal sighs. The phone must have woken them as well.

“Dr Lecter? Are you in my house?”

“Yes. I let the dogs out and fed them”

“That’s good but… It’s late. I can arrange for someone else to take care of them if it’s inconvenient for you”

“No. I… I came in the afternoon. I just… fell asleep”

“Oh”

“My eyes simply closed”

“Look, if you want, you can sleep there. It’s late and it’s a long drive to your house. I don’t mind”

Hannibal hesitates. He doesn’t want to violate this man’s privacy. But the offer _is_ tempting. And he is rather tired.

“Wouldn’t it violate any boundaries between us?”

A quiet chuckle on the other line.

“The blankets are in the second drawer from the top. And thank you for taking care of the dogs. Will you come again tomorrow?”

“Of course. See you tomorrow, Will”

“Goodnight, dr Lecter”

Hannibal smiles and stands up to retrieve the blanket.


	12. Chapter 12

_"Every night, I dream you're still here_  
_The ghost by my side, so perfectly clear_  
_When I awake, you'll disappear,_  
_Back to the shadows_  
_With all I hold dear (...)_  
_I dream you're still here"_

_Digital Daggers - Still Here_

 

He groans when he wakes up. It’s still dark in the room but something didn’t let him wake with sunrise. A warm moving weight upon his feet, insistent licking at his hand (which must have fallen off the bed at some point during the night), quiet but also insistent whining. He opens his eyes and smiles. Is that how Will wakes up? He must feel lonely now.

Hannibal stands up and lets the dogs outside. He decides that since he’s close to the hospital, and his first patient comes at ten, and he woke up so early, he has enough time to visit Will now.

Hannibal leaves some food for the dogs and goes to the city. He tries to calculate if he has enough time to cook something himself or if he has yet again resort to take out. He even enters a shop with ready-made meals but he thinks Will deserves more than that. He’s ill and what’s better for the time of illness than home-made chicken soup?

Lecter buys some carrots, poultry, onions, some other vegetables and goes back go Will’s home. He looks through the cabinets for a pot and spices. He hums quietly while preparing the soup. He’s happy.

When he’s done, he counts the dogs inside the house, all seven, and leaves with the soup.

He’s in the hospital after eight and the nurse is sceptical if she should let anyone so early. But Hannibal’s charm and politeness can do magic and he’s in Will’s room in a blink of an eye.

The man is still asleep, twitching from time to time. Hannibal prepares everything, places a bowl and a spoon on a table and sits by Will to watch him. The smell pervades the room, and probably the corridor and Will’s nostrils widen as he wakes up.

“Smells delicious” Will says and smiles at Hannibal.

Lecter returns the smile and help Will out of bed.

“Only one bowl?” Will asks as he sits by the table.

“Yes. Forgive me but I have a patient at ten so I should get going. I’ll have more time tomorrow”

“Well…you don’t have to babysit me. I was just hoping…” a pause “Jack came visit yesterday”

“That’s nice of him” Hannibal smiles.

“Yeah, no. He only came because he has a new killer on the loose. He pretended to care about my condition and the next second he was showing me all the pictures and reports form the crime scene”

Lecter’s face turn cold and then angry.

“I was hoping to talk to you about it”

A moment of silence as Will takes another sip of the soup and smiles again. Hannibal never takes his eyes off the man.

“This is delicious. Thank you”

“You’re welcome”

“So I see you tomorrow?”

Hannibal wants to stay longer, he really does. But he cannot cancel his appointments now.

“Yes, tomorrow. Have some rest, Will”

He leaves.

He sees his patients and goes home in the late afternoon. He’s tired of people’s problems and crying and anger. He’s not affected by it, he’s just annoyed. He needs peace. He takes his car keys and wallet and leaves. He has only two patients tomorrow, in the afternoon. One of them Franklyn.

Lecter is at Will’s house before eight, after shopping for food again. He lets out the dogs and plays with them. He throws them sticks and pets them. He didn’t put on one of his fancy coats but a simple jacket.

He looks at the clock and makes a decision. Nothing bad will happen if…

He makes himself dinner, eats it by the table in the kitchen with the dogs crowding around him. Then he washes the plate and settles in the chair in the living room. He doesn’t turn on any lamp, he wants to stay in the dark calmness of the house. He watches the shadows and lights dance around the room and imagines Will – his daily routines: how he wakes up, brushes his teeth, eats (or not) breakfast, how he pets his dogs and sleeps.

It doesn’t feel like violating privacy anymore. He is about to do something that could be perceived as transgression but that will not stop him. He wants, needs peace and he will bask in someone else’s domestic environment to gain it.

He goes to the bathroom, takes a shower (he brought his own towel and sponge but he uses Will’s soap), brushes his teeth and changes into a pair of pyjamas. He returns to the living room and turns on one lamp, which sheds enough light to see the piano’s keyboard.

Hannibal sits by the piano and the dogs gather around him when the first key is pressed and a melody begins. Lecter continues gently, wincing from time to time at the inaccuracy of the instrument. He then progresses and creates a melody he knows. Something… oddly familiar.

He concludes the piece and stands up. He settles on the floor with the dogs and plays with them a few more minutes before they get tired and lie to sleep. He watches them do it and it slows down his heartbeat. He’s calm. He stands and goes to bed. Will’s bed. He awaits whatever dreams may come. And he’ll know they will be Will’s dreams.


	13. Chapter 13

_“I dream you're still here,_  
_Ever slightly out of reach_  
_I dream you're still here,_  
_But it breaks so easily_  
_I try to protect you,_  
_I can't let you fade_

_I feel you slipping_  
_I feel you slipping away”_

_Digital Daggers -Still here_

 

It’s night-time. He’s driving his car. The only light on the road is the one his car emanates. Suddenly in the darkness he sees another source of light. A street lamp. And a car, parked on the roadside, just beneath it.

He pulls over a few meters behind it and gets out. He makes slow calculated steps in the car owner’s direction.

“Do you need a hand?”

“I think I must have hit a rock or something. It gouged my gas tank”

The other driver seems pissed at the unfortunate circumstances. Hannibal continues approaching him.

“Have we met before?” the driver asks as he cannot see clearly Lecter’s face.

~~~

He wakes with a gasp and immediately raises his head when he notices he woke up the dogs as well. They approach the bed and one of the animals whine and picks at the sheet. Hannibal pets its head and smiles.

He stands, makes the bed and goes to the bathroom. He changes his clothes and makes himself coffee. He takes one of Will’s mugs and waits for when the coffee’s ready. He prepares the food for the dogs and lets them out for a while. When he lifts the mug, he’s struck with another flash of memory.

Pictures. He was looking at some pictures with Will. Will even asked him if he remembered. There were bodies of murdered people. Severed arms, a body missing a spleen, a body cut in half.

That one holds Lecter’s attention. He knows that face. He knows that man. He has just dreamt about him.

The thought makes him shiver and he drops the mug. It breaks on the floor and the coffee spills. He cleans it up and whistles for the dogs to come back home. He checks one more time if everything looks undisturbed and leaves. He stops at a café to buy a coffee and goes to the hospital.

The nurse already knows who he is and lets him in. Hannibal takes the elevator and then fairly quick but quiet steps towards Will’s room.

It appears to be empty upon entering. The bed is neatly made and leaves a feeling of abandonment. Hannibal frowns and approaches the bed anyway, as if Will would show if Lecter believed strongly enough. But faith has nothing to do with that – the bed remains unoccupied. Could Will have left already?

"Hello, dr Lecter"

Hannibal turns in the direction from which the voice came. A wave of relief floods him when he sees the man.

"Hello, Will"

"I was just having my check-up"

Hannibal remains silent so Will continues.

"They say my organism is responding well to the antibiotics and everything seems to return to normal. More or less anyway"

Hannibal nods. He's still a bit shaken.

"I'm virtually free to go in two days maybe"

"I'm glad to hear that" at last, a verbal response.

"Yeah. I imagine Jack will be elated, too. Having me back in the field to wrap my head around fresh new cases"

Asking about quitting (like Alana did) would not be wise. Hannibal knows why Will hasn’t and probably never will quit. Will sits on the bed and Hannibal still stands by the window.

“And how are you? How is seeing patients again?”

“It’s good. I don’t remember them but, luckily, I have my notebooks on them so I manage”

“You seem a bit, um, disoriented?”

“It’s just a bad dream, nothing more”

“I hope you didn’t catch it in my house” he smiles.

Hannibal takes a chair and sits by Will.

“You said you wanted to talk to me about a case”

“Yeah. Jack took most of the pictures because the nurses would kill me if they found them, on their way to vomit, probably, but here” Will opens a drawer in the nightstand next to the bed and takes out a few photos, then hands them to Hannibal.

“I kept those to remind myself of the terrors that wait for me when I’m out of here”

“This is…disturbing” Hannibal looks at the photos and remembers this is what they used to do not long ago, before his accident.

“Yeah. I’m still wondering about the purpose of this. Normally, he doesn’t kill for an audience. I feel like this case is different”

In the photo there is a man, or rather what’s left of a man, whose throat was cut to expose the vocal chords. The killer opened the throat from the inside using the neck of a cello. There is powder on the wound, rosin from the bow.

“The killer wanted to play him, wanted to create a sound. His sound” Will comments.

“Whatever sound he was trying to produce, it was an authentic one”

“I hear what he was playing behind my eyes when I close them”

“What do you see behind closed eyes?” Hannibal asks.

“I see myself”

A moment of silent consideration while Hannibal still looks at the pictures.

“This killer is performing. You said that normally he doesn’t kill for an audience, why start now? Is there someone new in his life? That made it worth the effort”

“I don’t know. But it sounds like a serenade”

“It must be important since he risked getting caught”

“I believe he wants to show someone how well he plays”

Hannibal lifts his head and looks directly into Will’s eyes. He shivers. There is something electric in Will’s gaze and it makes him feel guilty and responsible but most of all, alive.

Will averts his eyes after a second of shock and looks through the window behind Hannibal.

“I broke one of your mugs” Lecter blurts out of nowhere.

The statement makes Will want to chuckle but he refrains himself from doing so.

“That’s alright” he says and smiles to the birds outside.

“But the dogs are fine. I fed them and made sure they were comfortable with your absence”

A nurse walks in and Hannibal rises from his chair.

“I’ll go. I don’t want to disrupt your recovery”

And before Will is able to object or comment on that, Hannibal is gone. He goes back home and then to the office.

Only two patients. He can manage. Franklyn is the last one. And then he can go home. His own or Will’s. Then he’ll be safe.

The first patient is a typical case of bipolarity. Hannibal wonders how he survived without the sessions because his condition seems serious. And then, after an hour, a horror awaits.

No, he really shouldn’t be thinking that. It’s just a patient. A broken, neurotic and looking for a friend and intimacy patient.

They’re in the middle of therapy session when the door to the office opens and a man appears in the doorway. Hannibal frowns and is about to speak when Franklyn stands up and starts to explain himself.

“I didn’t report you”

“I came to say goodbye, Franklyn”

“What do you mean?”

And in a second the man jumps towards Franklyn and breaks his neck. Franklyn falls on the floor, dead.

Hannibal’s eyes widen in shock and fascination.

“I’ve heard about your accident. You probably don’t even recognise me” the man says and Hannibal wonders; the most plausible answer would be…

“Tobias, isn’t it?”

“So you do remember”

Tobias smiles and takes out a piece of razor sharp piano wire whip and slashes the air with it. Hannibal raises his forearm to block it and it shreds his coat arm. Moving quickly, he closes the distance between them neutralizing the wire.

Hannibal uses his weight advantage against Tobias and tosses the man over the desk, slamming into the support column hard. Hannibal vaults over the desk, wrapping the crook of his arm around Tobias’ throat and pulling tight. Tobias fights to remain conscious as Hannibal locks his legs around him increasing the tension. In the struggle, Tobias's hands finds a letter opener. He slides it through Hannibal’s calf and then quickly withdraws it. Lecter tries to use everything to defend himself. He pushes a pen into Tobias’ arm, which makes the man drop the letter opener.

When they stand back on the floor, Tobias kicks Lecter flat on his stomach. They use their hands now, punching, making blows to the head and stomach. Then Hannibal is pressed against a ladder but before Tobias has a chance to punch him, Lecter moves so that the man’s arm goes between the rungs. Hannibal takes advantage of that and breaks Tobias’ arm. The man cries out but tries to keep moving, keep attacking Hannibal. 

Lecter is now full on adrenaline and takes the nearest trinket to break it on Tobias’ head, killing him.

Tobias falls on the ground near Franklyn and now Hannibal has two bodies in his office. He’s standing by the wall, catching his breath. He’s excited, he’s tired and not ashamed. He feels free.

He doesn’t feel remorse and that scares him as well as fascinates him. His heart rate didn’t rise much and he knows what that means. He grabs his phone, before he’s calm again, and calls the police.


	14. What if the storm ends

_"What if this storm ends?_  
_And I don't see you_  
_As you are now_  
_Ever again_

 _I want to see you_  
_As you are now_  
_Every single day_  
_That I am living"_

_Snow Patrol - The Lightning Strike_

 

He’s sitting by his desk, simply breathing. There are police officers, forensics, a lot of yellow tape and other stuff used at crime scenes. Somehow it all feels familiar with the exception that now he’s a victim. Technically.

He’s aware that his story is the one to be believed since he’s alive and it’s only his version that can be heard. It excites him. He’s the master of narration. He’s in control of the situation.

A black well-built man walks in the office and looks at Hannibal. Lecter narrows his eyes and the man approaches him.

“The first time I see you after the accident and these are the circumstances” he sighs.

Hannibal looks confused. Does he know the man?

“I…I’m sorry. Who-”

“I’m Jack Crawford. We cooperate. Dr Bloom told me you have difficulties remembering things. I apologise that I didn’t visit you at the hospital but I was busy and I knew Alana and Will took care of that”

“It’s alright” Hannibal nods.

“The police already took your statement?”

“Yes. I told them everything”

“I imagine you’re terrified. Going back to work after such horrible accident and being attacked shortly after”

“I’m not thinking about retiring if that’s what you mean”

“No, no, of course not. It just must be tough what you’re going through right now. Luckily, you’re a psychiatrist. You’ll be fine” Jack offers a reassuring smile “And I think you might like to know that he’s probably the guy we were looking for”

“The killer who played that man at the symphony?”

“Yes. Did Will tell you about it?”

“He needed help with figuring out the killer”

“I guess you did figure him out. Do you know why he killed your patient?”

“I believe it may have been him who Tobias serenaded. Or this was a simple matter of poor choice in friends”

“This doesn’t feel simple to me. Could your patient have been involved in whatever Budge was doing?”

“I honestly don’t know”

Most of the police officers have left already so they are the only men in the room. Jack looks around the room and at that moment another man enters the office. A pale, thin man with chocolate brown hair and blue eyes.

“Will!” Jack watches the man approach the desk by which Hannibal is sitting “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at the hospital?”

“I checked myself out when you called me” Will explains and looks at the floor where there is still some blood but the bodies are already gone.

Hannibal frowns. Did Will check himself out because he learnt Hannibal was attacked? One corner of his mouth rises gently.

“Thank you, Jack. I think you can go now. I will be fine” Lecter says and Jack is still visibly unhappy about the whole situation.

“Alright” Crawford nods towards Lecter and turns to Will “If you don’t go back to the hospital, I want to see you tomorrow at the Bureau”

Will only nods and Jack leaves the office. Graham sits on the desk in front of Hannibal and looks at his injuries.

“I feel like I’ve dragged you into my world”

“I got here on my own” Hannibal says and looks at Will warmly “But I appreciate the company”

Will keeps eye contact and smiles back. Hannibal is bruised up, his lip is cut, there is still some blood on his hands and face and he is beautiful. He is happy. There is a quiet sense of power he feels and it rushes through his veins.

“I thought I could take you home. You may be pretty shaken about what happened”

“And you doubt my ability to drive?” Hannibal smiles wider, a genuine affection and emotion peeking through the mask.

Will shakes his head gently, chuckling and Hannibal stands up, which takes plenty of strength and effort. They leave the office and Hannibal gets in Will’s car.

“What about my car?”

“Are you still going to see patients tomorrow?” Will looked at him and Hannibal knew the question was pointless “You can get here by taxi or walk to recover it whenever you want to”

Will drives to Hannibal's house and Lecter feels dizzy. He’s not sure why but it makes him bold and unrestrained.

“Can you come in for a moment?”

“Are you alright?” Will checks Hannibal’s face for signs of discomfort.

“Just a little headache”

When they enter the house Hannibal goes to the kitchen to get an aspirin and swallows it with some water. Will follows him and now they look at each other, in the place Hannibal feels the most comfortable. And with the person he feels the most comfortable.

Lecter steps closer to Will and closes his eyes. He no longer can smell encephalitis and there is a scent of the dogs missing. Surely that will change soon.

“Are you certain leaving the hospital was the right decision?” Hannibal asks cautiously, not wanting to startle Will.

“I’m much better now. I feel clearer”

Hannibal nods and puts his hand on Will’s shoulder.

“I’m glad to hear that” he squeezes his hand “I feel clearer now, too”

The moment is surreal, like it wasn’t happening. Will smiles warmly and Hannibal brings their faces together to breathe in the man’s scent and presence. Before Will processes what _is_ happening, Hannibal presses his lips gently but firmly to Will’s. It lasts a second or two but it feels like forever. Will just stands there, shocked, eyes wide while Hannibal savours the taste of the moment. Will closes his eyes but still doesn’t respond to the kiss. He presses his hands flat on Lecter’s stomach and pulls back.

Hannibal wonders what the man will say since he let himself be kissed even if for the shortest moment.

They continue to stand close to each other, Hannibal looking at Will but Will looks at the floor with his head down and hands still on the man’s chest.

“I’m not…”

“Gay?” Hannibal prompts.

“Sure. I’m not sure if this is the right course of action”

Finally, Will lets his hands fall to his sides and lifts his head to look past Hannibal’s shoulder.

“Why not?” Hannibal pushes.

Will’s eyes finds Hannibal’s for a second and he genuinely doesn’t know the answer. There is probably plenty of reasons why this is a bad idea, he just can’t give one now.

He thinks back to all his previous relationships and he reminds himself – he really is not gay. But with Hannibal it doesn’t even feel like it. The kiss was nice. The doctor is clean shaven and has soft plump lips. It didn’t feel like kissing a man. And Will lost himself in the kiss after a moment. There was nothing bothering him. Until now. There were always consequences of everything. Even of the nice things.

Will feels a hand stroking his cheek and sees Hannibal smiling at him with his eyebrows raised, waiting for an answer.

“You must be exhausted. You fought for your life and that takes a lot of energy and effort. I’ll let you have some rest”

Will moves away from Hannibal and goes to the door. Before he exits, he glances one more time back at Lecter and their eyes meet. There is something wrong, something different about Hannibal now.

Will gets in the car and feels guilty already. He presses a finger to his lips and quickly shakes his head. No, this is stupid. He drives back home.

Hannibal is left in the kitchen alone, bruised and tired. He doesn’t regret what he did but is rather glad. And Will didn’t say clearly ‘no’ nor did he push him away right away. There is still a chance for something. Right now he goes to the bathroom, takes a shower, cleans his wounds and goes to bed.

There is something weird about his house, something sterile. It’s beautifully decorated and every detail is well-thought but it misses something. A domestic warmth that he found in Will’s house.

He closes his eyes and remembers the warm dry lips under his own. He falls asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

_“I hang my hopes out on the line_  
_Will they be ready for you in time_  
_If you leave them out too long_  
_They'll be withered by the sun_  
_Full stops and exclamation marks_  
_My words stumble before I start_  
_How far can you send emotions?_  
_Can this bridge cross the ocean?”_

_La Roux - In For The Kill_

 

His hand is deep in another man’s body. There is a lot of blood and he’s trying to prevent the man from dying. He works hard to preserve the kidney’s functionality. He knows exactly what he’s doing – he’s done it many times before. He used to be a surgeon.

He hears light steps approaching him and his gaze lifts only for a second to take in the slim figure in front of him. He makes eye contact with Will and sees the terror growing within the man. There is awe there and admiration as well as infinite fear. Lecter is a powerful man who at this moment holds a man’s life in his hands. Literally.

It’s exciting and it’s addictive and he enjoys it.

~~~

He wakes at nine, undisturbed by the alarm clock. He doesn’t get up, just lies still, looking at the ceiling. He tries to make a whole out of the pieces he has. The memories still come to him but it’s difficult sometimes to see how they match.

He’s happy to have seen Will in his dream again, it makes him calm. He’s curious what will happen now that they shared one short and barely reciprocated kiss. But he knows he’ll take whatever the fate may bring.

Everything that can happen, happens. It has to end well and it has to end badly. It has to end every way it can.

He finally stands up and goes to the kitchen to make a coffee. He puts the kettle on the stove and looks at the door to the pantry. He enters it and looks around. There are a lot of wine bottles and there is a freezer filled with different kinds of meat. He takes a piece and recognises a kidney. Huh.

He turns and accidentally knocks down a bottle with some liquid that was standing on the table. He watches the bottle break and the liquid spills but it finds a crack between the floor panels and falls down somewhere, making a dripping sound.

The kettle in the kitchen starts to whistle so he goes and tends to it. But he needs to investigate. Where exactly does the liquid go? He walks back in the pantry and finds another door he hasn’t crossed yet so he opens it now and it leads exactly downstairs.

He takes slow measured steps but sees very little because it’s dark inside. He goes back to the kitchen and looks for a flashlight since he couldn’t locate a light switcher on his way downstairs. He finds a flashlight and checks if it’s working. It is. He resumes his investigation.

He conquers the stairs and finds himself in a dark room with white lights somewhere in the distance. The light from the flashlight reflects on transparent plastic curtain and he’s terrified of the effect. He sees chains hanging on the ceiling and walls and he notices something in front of him. There are shadows moving before him and they resemble… a person.

He lowers his hand holding the flashlight as he finally notices a switcher on his right and presses it. The light comes gradually and reveals the inevitable. He wasn’t wrong – it was, is a silhouette. It is a person. A woman.

Suddenly, he hears knocking at his front door upstairs. Should he ignore it?

The woman in front of him sits by a table. She has blond dusty hair and she looks like a ghost. He sees her profile and side and moves forward a little to see more. She doesn’t seem to have noticed his presence. She continues to draw lines on the table with her finger and she opens her mouth to close it quickly. Who is she? And why is she _here_?

Hannibal starts to draw many conclusions and he finds many explanations for this situation but the knocking repeats and it throws him off balance. Can he simply go and answer the door? Can he trust that this woman won’t make a sound?

Well, she hasn’t done so yet. How long has she been here?

Hannibal withdraws and goes to answer the front door.

“Good morning” he hears a woman in front of him say “I’m from an association interested in preserving the natural habitat of a rare species that is…”

Hannibal stops listening after the word ‘association’. He simply says he’s not interested and that he is already late to work so the woman wishes him a nice day and goes away.

Lecter goes to the kitchen and sees the forgotten kettle. He makes two cups of tea and goes downstairs again to face the ghost from his basement. For a second he considers this another nightmare or a hallucination but he’s proven otherwise when he finds the woman still behind the plastic curtain.

Only now does he see shelves around the table, filled with food and bottles with water and lots of necessary things to live. She was supposed to survive here. She lives here.

Hannibal approaches the table and now from the new angle he sees the woman lacks the left arm. His brain plays dangerous tricks on him and brings him flashes of memories.

He settles the cups with tea on the table before he can drop them and he sits down opposite her. He looks at her absent face, her eyes completely unfocused and dead inside. He closes his eyes and remembers.

The photos he and Will were looking at some time ago. A severed arm holding a mobile phone. Hannibal just knows it is this woman’s arm.

_“What’s this?” he asks looking at the picture of the arm; he seems to have picked it at random from the other photos but it was very strategically planned._

_“It’s Jack Crawford’s trainee. She’s not like the other victims. The Ripper had no reason to humiliate Miriam Lass”_

_Will’s voice. He stands close, supports his hand on a chair and looks at Hannibal._

_“Seems to me he was humiliating someone”_

_“Yeah, he was humiliating Jack”_

_“Did it work?”_

_“I’d say it worked really well”_

‘The Ripper had no reason to humiliate Miriam Lass’. So the woman’s name is Miriam Lass most likely.

Suddenly he remembers everything. He remembers the woman question him a few years ago, and how he attacked her.  
He remembers a girl whose lungs he cooked. He remembers a man from the side of the road – it was he who killed and then mutilated him. Hannibal remembers.

The media has called him the Chesapeake Ripper. He mutilates his victims. And then he eats them. Because they were rude. And they deserved to be deprived of their organs.

He is a monster. He cannot find another name for a man who would do such things. He cannot find another name ... for himself.

His eyes are getting wet and he's getting so mad and angry he wants to break things. He has this beautiful house, good friends, good reputation and he feels like he ruined it. And how could no one have found out about him? He feels like it's written all over his face.

But he's changed now. He wants to be a good man. He wants to be the man everyone perceives him as. He wants to... wants to keep seeing this one man he finds so utterly interesting. But how can he? How could he see that man and smile at him and… kiss him when he’s such a monster?  
He remembers the story of Achilles and Patroclus, the story he's loved since he first heard of it. And now he feels like he could lose it all. Can he hide from his past? Can he run away from it?

He realises how powerful he felt just yesterday when he killed Tobias. He kept telling everyone (including himself) that it was self-defence. And to a point it was. But beyond that point, it was murder. And he didn’t feel particularly bad about it. His heart didn’t race. A low heart is a true indicator of one’s capacity for violence, he knows this much.

He looks at the woman in front of him and remembers. He’s been keeping her here for so long. She’s his only one victim to remain still alive. He knows he cut her arm off and he continually drugs her. The recovery would take a lot of time. And psychological recovery is very unlikely at this point.

He takes his cup of tea and goes upstairs to the kitchen. He hears the knocking again. He sighs and goes to answer the door.

“Good morning” Will says and Hannibal notices how the man dropped the ‘dr Lecter’ thing.

“Good morning, Will. Please, come in”

Will steps inside and Hannibal asks if he wants coffee. Will nods and they go to the kitchen.

“Um, you probably know why I’m here”

“Two things cross my mind now but I think the latter” and when he sees Will roll his eyes, Hannibal adds “which would be ‘not about a case’”

“Definitely not. I’m on my way to Quantico but I needed to talk to you before”

Hannibal nods and looks into the man’s eyes. Will closes his and then bites his lips, unconsciously. When he opens his eyes, he realises Hannibal watches him intensively.

“If I saw you every day, forever Will, I would remember this time”

Will shakes his head at that, blushing slightly. This is not how it went in his mind.

“You were right yesterday” Will states firmly, sort of “I’m not gay”

“Should I expect a ‘but’ here?” Hannibal asks cautiously.

“I’ve never been as intimate with anyone as I am with you. And it’s weird how after your accident, when I heard you suffered from memory loss, I thought we lost it all. I was curious how we would recover from that”

“But you were the only person I knew, the only one I remembered. Even though I didn’t know your name”

Will chuckles at that.

“I’ve never known myself as well as I know myself when I’m with you”

The confession makes Hannibal smile and Will continues.

“ _But_ my wild and vivid imagination cannot offer me a view of the future, if we were to pursue your…if we were to continue what we started yesterday”

_'...what we started yesterday...'_ _WE_. So Will sees himself as a partaker, not mere subject.

Hannibal thinks about the woman in the basement, thinks about all the horrible things he’s done (at least the ones he can remember). How much more is there that he still doesn’t remember?

Lecter doesn’t want to lie to the man. He can hide the truth, but he doesn’t want to be dishonest. Suddenly, he has an idea.

“I’m supposed to attend an event at the opera on Saturday. Maybe you could join me? And then we could talk a bit more and you could get a taste of what you would get yourself into” Hannibal smirks.

Will’s eyes widen at first and then he smiles awkwardly.

“You still don’t remember that socializing makes me uncomfortable and opera isn’t really my thing”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable. I would like to take you out of your comfort zone, however. But maybe another time… A dinner then. Tomorrow?”

A dinner sounds nice. And it doesn’t have to be a romantic evening.

“Alright. I’ll let you know if my plans for tomorrow change, but if not, then I see you tomorrow”

“I’m glad to hear that. And Will, we both take risks”

Will frowns. They exchange a look and Will leaves the house. Hannibal is again left alone (except for the woman in the basement).

He wonders what he should do with her. Can he simply leave her be? Her presence isn’t really noticeable.

He goes to the living room and sits by the harpsichord. He starts playing.

He’s already cancelled his appointments for the day so he can spend it at home. Or maybe…

He concludes the piece he was playing and takes out his cellphone.

“Hello, Hannibal”


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope You're still enjoying this and next chapter will be hannigram :3 sort of xD also - do You think a happy ending or rather the Red Dinner style ending? :D

_“Am I beautiful_  
_As I tear you to pieces_  
_Am I beautiful_  
_Even at my ugliest, you always say_  
_I am beautiful_  
_As you tear me to pieces_  
_You are beautiful_  
_Even at your ugliest, I always say_  
_You’re beautiful and sick like me”_

_In This Moment – Sick Like Me_

 

“Hello, dr Du Maurier. I was wondering if you had some free time and we could reschedule our appointment for today”

“Has something happened?”

“I was attacked yesterday at my office and I took a day off. There is also one more thing I want to talk to you about. And consult”

“Alright... Is one o’clock a suitable hour for you?”

“Certainly”

He hangs up and looks at the clock. Still two hours left. He considers what he should do about the woman in the basement. Surely, he wouldn’t like anyone to find her here. But no one has done so, yet. There is plenty of food there, she can manage. She probably did when he was in the hospital.

But it may get dangerous to keep her in his own house. He should look for another place for her.

And what exactly is he thinking right now? Shouldn’t he report… No, he cannot give himself up to the police. He’s a murderer, a cannibal.

He remembers now his disgust when he found out Abigail’s father was a cannibal. And how he despised the man. He has no right to do it anymore.

He’s conflicted. Why is he like that? Why is he who he is? Has something happened to him? In his childhood? That would’ve been so cheap and such a terrible excuse. But maybe…

He considers going to the police once again. Maybe if the doctors said he suffered from memory loss and is a different man now, maybe he wouldn’t go to prison…  
Impossible. Such a scandal couldn’t go without a trial of a monster.

Maybe he could tell Will… Would he cover for him? Help him? This is a terrible option that looks like a blackmail since they kissed.

Will he continue killing people? Will he continue…eating them?

The thought makes him shiver and he stands up to look through his cookbooks for a recipe for tomorrow’s dinner with Will. It has to combine the taste of domestic easiness with art-like sophistication.

He wonders whether he can use the meat from the pantry. It’s frozen, still fresh and he probably was going to eat it anyway. Should he feed it to Will?

Suddenly, he remembers the time they met and how he brought breakfast to Will’s hotel room. He definitely didn’t buy the sausage.

Will won’t notice. He didn’t then.

Hannibal finds a perfect recipe and smiles. He looks through his calendar to find dr Du Maurier’s address and then something catches his eye. An address. With initials ‘ML’ near it. Somerville, Virginia.

He turns on his tablet and types in the address. And he immediately understands. In the middle of a forest there is a small house. No one would ever go there. No one would ever suspect anything.

He knows he planned this and found this house for Miriam to leave her there one day, if necessary. And that’s exactly what he wants to do now. Well, not now because he has to go to dr Du Maurier but maybe… in the evening?

He will ditch her in that house.

Hannibal looks for the events that are going to take place on Saturday and finds a show at the opera. He reads all the information and wonders. Is this the kind of thing he enjoys? (Other than killing people, apparently).

He remembers finding a few tuxedoes and plenty of suits. He is rather a sophisticated man. Will declined the invitation but he doesn’t want to go alone. Maybe he could ask Alana? But how would that affect his … advances towards Will?

He grabs his phone and makes a decision.

“Hello, Hannibal”

“Hello, Alana. I’m calling because I was supposed to attend an event at the opera on Saturday, and normally I would put forth the offer by a nice dinner and definitely not on such a short notice, but it’s an exceptional case”

“I understand you want me to go with you?” she smiles at his long beautiful sentences, one could call it babbling.

“Yes. Are you amenable to the idea?”

“I am” she says softly with an incredible warmth.

“I will pick you up at seven, is that alright? The show starts at seven thirty so we’ll have enough time to get there”

“It’s alright. I’ll see you then”

“Goodbye, Alana”

He takes his car keys and leaves.

He stands at dr Du Maurier’s door and sighs. He straightens and knocks. She opens after a moment and invites him inside. They sit opposite each other, exactly like he does with his patients in his office. But now it’s him who has to be honest and who should lower their walls.

“You told me you were attacked?” dr Du Maurier asks.

“Yes. I was seeing a patient and then a man walked in, turned out it was my patient’s friend, and he killed my patient and then attacked me”

“You had to fight for your life. How did it feel?”

“Oddly fascinating. I’ve never felt as alive as I did when I was forced to defend myself”

Not exactly true, he thinks, he never felt as alive as he did when he killed the man.

“We cling to life. It’s normal to eke out a few extra seconds. Even people who commit suicide sometimes hesitate”

A moment of consideration on both sides and then dr Du Maurier continues.

“Did help come on time? Or did you kill the man?”

“I had to defend myself. It was me or him”

“And as we can see you made the decision”

Hannibal watches dr Du Maurier. Is she unhappy he is alive? Is she unhappy he killed the man?

“Did you think your life was worth more than this man’s? Did that make killing him easier?” she asks.

“I only wanted to preserve mine. I didn’t do anything wrong. He attacked me for no reason”

“Or none that you can remember” she smiles.

He purses his lips. Since he first talked to the woman he's had the feeling she keeps her distance and silently disapproves of him. There is something she's hiding.

She smoothes down her blouse.

“There was something else you wanted to…consult?”

He looks at her, smiles politely. But no, he doesn’t trust her. She seems not to trust him. What are these sessions? Do they always look like that? She looks like she was afraid of him, behind the mask of resentment.

“Have I ever mentioned Will Graham to you?” he asks nevertheless; he’s too curious to resist.

She smiles in a way he knows he has. Can he simply ask what he’s told her about the man?

“How would you…describe my feelings about him?”

“You feel protective of him. You see each other for therapy but he’s not officially your patient. And the therapy helps both of you, I reckon. But he’s more than that. You want to be his friend. And you put a lot of effort in making him want that too”

“I lower my walls for him to climb?”

“You want to see if he’s clever enough to climb over them without the need for you to lower them. It’s nice when someone sees us, Hannibal. Or has the ability to see us. It requires trust. Trust is difficult for you. But you perceive Will Graham as someone worthy of your friendship”

“I’ll grant him the chance to see me”

The hour passes very quickly and Hannibal finds himself in Virginia later in the afternoon. He manages to find the house he was looking for. In the middle of nowhere. More of a barn than a house, honestly.

He parks his car not directly by it, just in case, and has to walk a few minutes. There is no fence around the building.

He knocks on the door and hears only the echo answer him. He tries opening the door and it gives way. He enters the barn and immediately notices how dark there is inside even though it’s barely four o’clock.

The building seems to be abandoned, empty. There is no furniture apart form a table by the wall and one chair. There is a lot of dust and dirt and spider nets. Hannibal wonders how did he learn about this place? Did he have it built? Or did he just stumble on it somehow?

He sees wooden stairs leading down so he descends them. Chains, hooks, spades, rakes, pitchforks. The concrete floor dominated by two circular water cisterns. Both empty and dirty.

He goes further inside and everything becomes clear. An operating table. In the middle of a room. And it’s sterile, everything is clean. There are multiple surgical scalpels and other tools he knows are necessary to operate on people. There are jars, some filled with liquids, some empty.

Hannibal leaves the place. He returns home. On his way he considers the options. Should he drive the woman – Miriam – there and let her live, leave her with some food and water? Or should he ditch her in one of the water cisterns maybe? Let her die there from the lack of food, or more likely from the lack air?

Is he a monster he used to be before the accident? Or maybe there is another, less cruel option?

He stops on his way home and buys a burner phone.


	17. I have feelings for you

_“I'm gonna break your heart an get away with murder_  
_You should've known from the start that it wouldn't last forever_  
_I can’t control myself - I feel like someone else_  
_I'm gonna break your heart and get away with murder”_

_Jeffree Star - Get Away With Murder_

 

Hannibal wakes at eight and takes a shower. He makes himself breakfast and smiles. He’s confident. He’ll see five patients today and then he can go home and make dinner. Which he will eat with Will. He’s elated.

The patients heard about the attack so they start their sessions with questions about Hannibal’s well-being but he simply states the hour is for a patient.

He’s back home by six and since Will did not call, he assumes the plans for the evening stay intact.

And that’s when the phone rings.

“Hello?”

“Uh, I’m calling because we didn’t agree when I should arrive tonight”

“Oh. Is eight alright? I’m in the middle of preparing the dinner right now”

“Alright. I’m at the store. Will cabernet sauvignon be suitable for what you’re preparing?”

“Of course”

“I’ll see you at eight, then”

Hannibal can’t stop smiling. He feels in control of the whole situation.

He hears knocking a few minutes before eight but the dinner is ready and he was just looking for two glasses for the wine. Hannibal goes to answer the door.

“Good evening, Will”

“Good evening”

They exchange a smile and Will notices how happy Hannibal is. Graham feel responsible, he feels guilty and hopes he won’t disappoint the man. But he cannot make any promises.

“Here” Will hands Hannibal the bottle of wine and they go to the dining room.

Hannibal points Will to sit at the head of the table, his own plate right next to him, on his right.

Will takes a seat while Lecter sets the bottle near the glasses and then goes to the kitchen to fetch the dinner. He returns with two beautifully decorated plates. He sets them on the table and then pours the wine into the glasses.

“Smells delicious” Will comments.

They take the first bite and Hannibal smiles. He feels detached from his house but with Will in it, he finds peace.

“I was going to call you and tell you I couldn’t make it but hopefully, or not, Jack let me go”

Hannibal’s face seems not to comprehend so Will continues.

“We found Miriam Lass. She was Jack’s trainee some time ago. She disappeared and Jack thought the Ripper had her. We found her arm before your accident and now we found the rest of her. Fortunately in one piece. She’s alive”

“Did she tell who the Ripper is?” Hannibal asks.

“No. She doesn’t speak much. She’s… Mentally, she will probably never recover. Jack wanted to ask for your help but he figured…with your accident and the recent attack, you need the rest of your own. He asked Alana”

“I feel bad for not being able to help”

“Well, you don’t choose what happens to you”

“So you found the only person who could point the Ripper but she turned out to be of little use?”

“Yeah. She’s damaged. They said she was constantly drugged. She’s staying in a hospital right now, then they will move her to some facility. But I don’t believe she knows who the Ripper is”

“Where did you find her?”

“In a barn, in a water cistern. She called Jack again. The Ripper must have made her do it and then ditched her in that cistern”

“Very sad. Jack must be devastated”

“Oh, he is. He feels responsible and guilty. But I guess that’s our job, that’s what we do”

The bitter remark makes Hannibal think of what would be if Will died.

When they finish dinner, Hannibal brings in dessert. He’s aware he wanted this evening to go differently but Will’s presence is always soothing. Even if they spend time talking about murders and murderers. And he’s about to broach another not-helping-in-lightening-the-mood subject.

“I asked Alana to come with me to the event at the opera. I hope you don’t mind”

Will’s eyes widen a bit but then he assumes a mask of indifference.

“Not at all”

“You said you wouldn’t go with me and I didn’t want to go alone. I’m afraid I still don’t remember many important things”

“You want her to be your guide?”

“Something like it”

They eat the dessert and Hannibal wonders if he made the right decision. He doesn’t want to have an affair with Alana and he doesn’t want to use her as a cover for his possible relationship with Will.

“I don’t regret, Will. Do you?” 

“I’m riddled with regrets”

“A life without regret would be no life at all. With every choice lies the possibility of regret. However, if I choose to do something, it’s usually for a good reason”

Will stirs in his seat.

“Am I making you uncomfortable?” Hannibal asks, afraid that he pushed too much, that Will wants to stay friends and to forget about what happened.

“I didn’t anticipate this kind of developments in our relationship” the last word is uttered quietly, like he doesn’t want it to be heard.

Hannibal takes advantage of their proximity and puts a hand on Will’s thigh, but not too close to his manhood. Nevertheless, the gesture makes Will tense and gasp slightly.

“Do you want me to stop? Do you want this to stop?” Hannibal asks and searches for Will’s eyes.

Graham meets Lecter’s eyes for a brief moment and feels the hand press harder then. When he looks down on his leg the touch softens. Lecter brushes gently his fingers along the thigh, stroking, and then takes his hand back.

It was a bad idea. Will doesn’t want this.

When the hand is gone, Will releases the air from his lungs and looks at Hannibal. The doctor's face is empty, expressionless. Hannibal is a master of poker face.

“Forgive me, Will” Hannibal starts apologising.

“I don’t regret” Will speaks finally “I don’t regret the kiss”

Hannibal smiles at him but then fears again. He hopes Will didn’t say that out of pity for the doctor.

“But there is ample reasons why we shouldn’t do this” Will continues.

“We could work them out if you were willing to” Hannibal smiles “But I’m not going to push you. We can return to being friends, outside of our doctor-patient relationship”

“That’s one of the reasons” Will comments.

“Are you concerned about the fact that we have sessions together?”

“I know what you’re going to say. I’m not officially your patient”

Hannibal smiles. That’s exactly what he was about to say.

“Have you ever had an affair with a patient?” Will asks and laughs immediately; he forgot that Hannibal may have no idea about his previous relationships.

This is another reason why this is inappropriate. The doctor was in a terrible accident and now he’s vulnerable, he doesn’t remember his friends, doesn’t know who to trust. Will was lucky enough to appear in his dreams. Why?

Lecter tries hard to look into his past. Nothing.

Then he remembers his words to Alana.

‘Those candidates thought we were having an affair. Why didn’t we?’

Didn’t.

“Tell me the most weighty reason. Something you don’t believe you can overcome” Hannibal suggests.

Was it about Hannibal being a man? Will thinks of the hand on his thigh just a moment ago. The touch startled him, but mostly because it was sudden, unexpected. The kiss was nice. Huh. Maybe he is gay? No, he definitely cannot imagine himself spread under another man and… No.

Honestly, he wanted to pursue romantic overtures with Alana. But that may be out of the question now that he ‘omitted’ to tell her about his encephalitis, and seeing her so close to Hannibal…

“Will?” Hannibal looks at Will’s face and frowns “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I was just…thinking”

“And?” Hannibal smiles at Will.

Nothing. Emptiness. His mind is blank. Should he be worried?

Will looks into Hannibal’s eyes and that’s the biggest mistake. The doctor is smiling and there are wrinkles around his eyes. Inside, there is much affection, which frightens Will. His empathy enables Will to see what Lecter sees and Graham curses under his nose.

“What was that?” Hannibal asks politely and leans closer to Will.

That’s it. He’s lost it. Graham leans in and presses his lips to Hannibal’s. Lecter is taken aback by the action at first but quickly responds to the kiss. Their eyes are closed and Will feels a shiver down his spine. This is so… different, somehow. He’s never really felt such an electric shock while kissing someone. He’s felt passion before, and desire, but never like this.

Hannibal moves his lips gently and lifts his hand to stroke Will’s cheek, the other hand sneaks around Will’s neck.

They stand up, the position being not very comfortable, but never break the kiss. Hannibal opens his mouth and touches Will’s lips with his tongue gently, asking for entry. Permission being granted, Hannibal puts his hands on Will’s waist and carefully coaxes the man to sit on the table. This is getting out of hand, Will thinks.

“This…” Will says between kisses “is unprofessional”

Hannibal seems undisturbed by the remark and continues kissing Will. Lower, he kisses the man’s chin, then neck. Will throws his head back but still isn’t sure what he’s expecting to happen. Well, he knows what _can_ happen if he doesn’t stop it right away.

“Hannibal” Will puts his hands on Lecter’s shoulders, stopping him.

Hannibal looks at Will, not comprehending again, his pupils dilated, breathing shallow.

“I wouldn’t be good for you” Will says, which makes Hannibal snort “You wouldn’t be good for me. You wouldn’t be able to stop analysing”

“You’re afraid I’ll treat you like one of my patients”

“They say I’m quite the topic of conversation in psychiatric circles” Will grimaces at the words once spoken by Chilton.

“I don’t intend to take advantage of you, Will. I would never use the fact that we’re friends for my professional benefits”

Hannibal looks in Will’s eyes again and Graham sees the truth reflected in them. He shouldn’t fall for it, shouldn’t trust his own senses.

“What do you want me to say?” Will asks, visibly confused and upset.

Hannibal’s head is full with words and confessions he’d like to hear but he knows it’s all caused by the heat of the moment. He has to remain reasonable and cool. What does he want to hear? What does he want Will to say?

“I won’t stuff your mouth with words I want to hear. Tell me what you want to say. Say whatever you mean”

Will blinks. Hannibal wants the truth. He wants the real thing.

How much longer can he put this off? Honestly, he has felt so comfortable in Hannibal’s presence and he was afraid to lose it after the accident. He cannot imagine his life without Hannibal. But…lovers? He cannot imagine that, either. Would it be just a fling? Or does Lecter want something else? There is no easy way out of this. He’s afraid of losing his only friendship.

Will realises he’s still sitting on the table, with his legs on both sides of Hannibal’s waist. He closes his eyes and places his hands on the doctor’s neck. Graham leans forward and brings their lips together again.

Hannibal isn’t sure if this is a goodbye kiss or a promise of something more, but he savours the taste.

“This remains between us” Will whispers when he pulls away and tries to stand up.

Hannibal catches the man’s hand to stop him from leaving.

“Will” he says quietly, full of sorrow and confusion.

“I don’t want to make promises that I know I can’t keep. And I don’t want to mislead you”

“So is that over?” Hannibal asks, his tone serious and distant.

Will closes his eyes. He’s conflicted. He doesn’t know what to do, either. Is that really over?

“I have feelings for you. I just don’t know what to do with them. I don’t want to be reckless”

“I don’t want you to be” Hannibal assures.

“If you were willing to give me some more time, then I might find a way to deal with my feelings about you. But I can’t predict the outcome”

“You know, Will, one of the things I have discovered about myself is that I can be a very patient man” Hannibal smiles.

Will strokes Lecter’s arm as a ‘goodbye’ (the kiss would be too risky now) and leaves.

Hannibal smiles wider.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo? what do You think? :D


	18. Chapter 18

He spends the morning and the early afternoon in his office. He enjoys listening to people and helping them deal with their problems. He sits in his chair and focuses solely on his appointments.

But during his break for lunch, he stays in the room and wonders. They found Miriam and she didn’t point at him, exactly as he imagined. He’s safe. But he wonders if there are other things he has yet to discover. Is it really possible to leave that life behind him and at least try to be a better man?

He returns home at five and looks for Alana’s address. Then he searches his wardrobe for a white clean shirt and a tuxedo. How do you tie a bowtie? He goes to take a shower. He shaves and combes his hair neatly.

He feels fresh and ready for whatever the day (or evening, to be more specific) brings.

He dresses up, ties the bowtie instinctively (his hands seem to know what to do better than him).

He looks at the clock, still has some time. Maybe he should bring Alana something? Flowers? Wine? He doesn’t want to mislead her. He’s not interested in being romantically involved with her. But his code and manners require to give her something, as a friend, out of politeness.

Is there something he can give her? Not really. Just his company tonight.

He drives to her house and waits. Still a few minutes left. He admires the building. Somehow, he finds other people’s homes more friendly and comfortable. His own house is perfect, one could say, but it’s cold and emotionless. Only the kitchen emanates some warmth.

He knocks at Alana’s door and she answers it.

“Hello, Hannibal”

“Good evening, Alana. You look stunning”

She really does. Her hair is styled perfectly, she’s wearing a long black dress with its front cut in a way emphasising her cleavage. She has a silver necklace and earrings but they are thin and modest. Her lips are painted red. Hannibal can think of another word to describe her. Delicious.

“Thank you”

He offers her his arm and then opens the door to his car for her. They appear at the opera in no time. They enter the building and everyone seems to be looking at them. It’s not strange since probably everyone there knows about Hannibal’s accident and probably no one expected him there, and with such a beautiful woman.

They engage in polite conversations, Lecter explaining how he’s doing much better now and Alana how she just never had the time to experience opera.

They take their seats but still feel eyes on them. Alana looks at Hannibal who seems a bit uncomfortable about it.

“They were probably afraid they’d never see you again” she explains.

“I’d wish to spare you inquisitive glances”

“It’s alright” she puts her hand on his and squeezes reassuringly.

He smiles at her.

The show begins and he cannot express how much he enjoys it. He prepared himself to see it, read the libretto and looked for explanations for many things. He understands himself from before the accident. How could anyone not see the appeal in this? And then he remembers that Will doesn’t.

Hannibal looks at Alana. She’s admiring the performance and seems to be taken with it. She notices Lecter’s attention and smiles at him again. His eyes form an affectionate fireplace. He is elated. There is a huge fire growing inside him and he’s afraid he’ll misplace the heat. He turns his eyes back to the stage.

During an intermission they are asked more questions but Hannibal seems less upset by that. They are offered champagne and wine and they accept it.

Alana glows in the company, she’s not bothered by explaining she’s Hannibal’s friend and that she’s a psychiatrist as well.

They return to their seats and enjoy the rest of the performance.

Afterwards, Hannibal takes Alana’s hand and they leave quickly.

“It’s late. I suppose I should take you back home?”

“If you’d be so kind” she smiles.

He likes the way she smiles. Her lips have a pleasant shape and she looks radiant.

He parks the car beside her house.

“Would you like to come in for a drink?” she offers.

He considers the offer thoroughly.

“Gladly” he answers.

She opens the door and he follows her to her study. She takes out a bottle of wine and two glasses. She hands him one and they clank.

“I heard about your attack, or rather, an attack on you”

He lowers his head, ashamed.

“I’m guessing you and Will conspired to stop telling me what’s happening”

“I’m sorry, Alana. I know I should have told you but-”

“You didn’t want to worry me, I know. I’ve heard the same excuse form Will” she’s visibly upset now.

“I took only one day off after it. That was a traumatic experience but you know me enough to know I’ll recover” he tries to make it look less bad.

She looks at him with an expression saying ‘I’m not buying it’.

“Jack had me talk to Miriam. Do you remember her? I told you about her. Or maybe Will told you they found her?”

Hannibal easily senses a bitterness to Graham’s name.

“Yes. He did tell me the story” he watches Alana for her reactions “How is she? Is she making any progress?”

“None. She’s a hopeless case. And I know I shouldn’t be saying this but… She had problems with remembering her own name. She seems to be understanding what is said to her but there is little response”

“I cannot imagine the damage the Ripper made to this woman”

“The dead at least have the luxury of being done with what they lost. She may never recover”

She sips on her wine and smiles again.

“I’m sorry, that may have been the worst topic for a late night conversation”

“It’s alright. I don’t mind” he smiles reassuringly and finishes his glass.

“Do you want another one?” Alana asks politely.

“I shouldn’t. I’m driving”

“You don’t have any patients tomorrow, do you?” when he shakes his head, she continues “You can sleep on the couch. Or we can stay up all night. There’s probably a million things you still don’t remember”

He takes a hint. He doesn’t want to mislead her. He doesn’t want…

Before he can decline, she steps closer and takes his glass form his hand. She refills it.

“I had a really nice time tonight. I understand now why you like these events”

He chuckles. He understands now, too.

Alana takes a seat on a couch and runs her hands through her hair. It’s seductive. Is it supposed to be? Does she want to seduce him?

He takes a seat next to her, but not too close.

“Do you think it’d be a good idea if I took Abigail to my house?” he asks.

“Well... She seems to enjoy spending time with you. I believe you became some form of family to her”

“But I mean… permanently. What if she left the facility and moved in with me?”

Alana is not as surprised as he suspected her to be.

“That’s a big decision. She would benefit from your guidance, obviously. But it’s a great responsibility”

Does he want to do this because he thinks it would bring him and Will even closer? Does he really want to form a family?

“I am aware. I’m still thinking about it. It won’t be a reckless decision”

They keep talking. About patients, people at the opera, Chilton, the Ripper, Will. They feel tired around half past two. Hannibal knows he cannot stay the night. He lets Alana go to the bedroom and makes sure she falls asleep safe. Then he leaves.


	19. Chapter 19

Hannibal’s life moves forward undisturbed. He continues seeing his patients, including Will, and keeps consulting with the FBI. He spends time by the harpsichord, trying to remember how to read notes or at least trying to play from memory. He cooks, every day he uses a different recipe. He keeps seeing dr Du Maurier and visiting Abigail. The girl frowned when he brought her tea one day.

People see he has changed. Will notices the psychiatrist smiles more than he used to. Alana likes how Hannibal became gentler somehow.

Lecter’s free. He spends time walking around the city, visiting places he doesn’t remember. He reads a lot.

The conversation with Will doesn’t come back. They keep working on cases and discovering each other.

One day, when Will is about to leave the office, Hannibal speaks.

“Oh, Will. I forgot to ask you”

Will smiles at that. Forgetting was never Lecter’s trait but ever since the accident Will found the psychiatrist’s fault funny.

“Have you given some thought to your feelings?”

The smile on Graham’s face disappears and he frowns instead.

“Why are you asking this only now?”

“Well, it’s been a round month since you said you needed time so I wondered if thirty days gave you an opportunity to come up with an idea of what you want”

Will seems upset and ashamed.

“You haven’t thought about it, have you?” Hannibal asks with a polite smile.

He hasn’t. He was thinking about it the following day but then, when their sessions remained normal and Hannibal didn’t push and seemed to have forgotten as well, Will let it go. Now, he feels guilty. He wanted this. He liked the feeling of Hannibal’s lips on his. He just wasn’t sure how to pursue this, how to resolve their situation.

Is he supposed to give an answer now?

“That’s alright, Will” Hannibal says reassuringly.

Damn, Lecter can be polite and make you feel guilty as hell.

“There’s one more thing I wanted to talk to you about” Hannibal continues, distracted by some papers on the desk.

“Don’t you have another patient after me?”

“No. Your appointment is the last”

Will nods and approaches the desk, where Hannibal is standing.

“I was considering taking Abigail from the facility and into my house. She’d move in with me”

Will’s lips part as if to say something but he cannot find the proper words. That’s something new.

“Do you think it’s a good idea?”

To Will is sounds very reasonable. Abigail needs to leave the place she’s living in now, she needs stability in her life. And Hannibal provides much stability. Will experienced it first-hand.

“Yes. She would be a fine complement to your life. And you could serve her as a mentor”

“You’d be more than welcome to visit us then” Hannibal smiles.

Is it a trap he’s supposed to fall for? A beautiful vision of them as a family? Will narrows his eyes but cannot tell.

~~~

After a week, Abigail is in Hannibal’s house. This time to stay for good. Or at least for however long she wants to.  
She’s an adult, which made things easier. She didn’t have much luggage so it was just a (not even long) drive to Hannibal’s house, and that’s it.

He gives her one of the rooms in the house and they start living together. He teaches her how to cook and in the evenings they talk about her future (and her past). She’s calm, happier now. He constantly watches her for her reactions.

When he leaves to see his patients she reads books or does the laundry or considers different options for her future. She wonders if she should go to a university or find a job. She knows most of her former plans were destroyed when her father turned out to be a murderer. But it’s not like she didn’t know it before the police and the media.

One evening she finds medical stuff in Hannibal’s bathroom – various phials and pills. She injects herself with something she read about. She feels even calmer, her limbs feel light. Her vision blurs but she walks into a dining room and waits for dinner.

“Everything alright?” Hannibal notices a change in her behaviour.

“I’m a little dizzy” she answers and smiles.

They eat the dinner but Hannibal is distracted. It’s the second time he called Will to join them and the profiler declined. Once Graham was on a case in North Carolina, this time he said he had a flu. Was he lying? He said both times and during their following sessions that he regretted he couldn’t make it and that he wants to see Abigail. But even Alana came to visit one time.

It is this evening when Abigail reminds Hannibal of the night in her house, when she killed Nick Boyle.

“You helped me hide the body. Because I asked you to. You wanted me to ask you”

Hannibal watches Abigail slowly collapse under the pressure of her memories, and his lack of them.

“We had a deal. I know what you did. And you know what I did. We were supposed to protect each other”

“I am not going to break my promises. I will protect you, Abigail” he says and he embraces her.

Later they sit on the couch and watch the fireplace. The red and orange and yellow mix together and it’s warm. She falls asleep on the couch, with her head on his lap. He strokes her hair. It’s such an innocent gesture it’s hard to believe they just shared horrible stories about themselves. She knows he is the Chesapeake Ripper. Or rather was. He doesn’t want that life anymore. He wants peace, like now. With Abigail and Will, and the warmth of the fire.

But Abigail knows his secret. Does Will know, too?

He ditched Miriam because he knew she wouldn’t be useful. But Abigail…

~~~

One time during their session Will seems particularly calm and confident. They talk about a case and Hannibal admires the clarity with which Will sees the killer. He understands the man. Or the woman. Hannibal is fascinated by Will’s empathy. He devours every second with the profiler, every word from his mouth. He wishes they were drops and he could collect them and then bathe in them.

There is a moment of silence. Hannibal looks at Will as if he was about to eat him and Graham shakes his head.

“How is Abigail?”

Hannibal smiles.

“She's well. I teach her how to cook. I wanted to teach her how to play the harpsichord, too, but I play most of the pieces from memory”

“Does she know what she wants to do next? I mean she has to do something. You can’t keep her and provide for her for the rest of her life”

“She’s still looking into options. She said she wanted to work for the FBI. But that’s no longer an option”

Will grimaces at that.

“Does she still have nightmares?”

“Why don’t you come for dinner and ask her?” Hannibal proposes, ‘one last time’, he thinks.

Will looks through the window, as if the answer was there. It isn’t.

“Are you avoiding her because she’s connected to your traumatic experience? Such things help people create strong bonds and overcome their traumas”

“I’m afraid _she_ associates me with her traumatic experience”

“Let’s help her create new associations with you. Come for dinner tonight. At eight”

Will looks at the clock. The end of their session. He has to decide now.

“I’ll see you at eight, then” Will says and leaves the office.

Hannibal smiles.


	20. A family

Five minutes before eight Abigail leaves her place by the counter when she hears knocking at the front door. Hannibal keeps stirring the meat and takes a sip of wine.

“Hello, Abigail” Will says when the girl answers the door.

“Hello”

Will’s hands are holding something and Graham moves it forward in Abigail’s direction.

“I bought it for you. I… Hannibal told me he wanted to teach you how to play the harpsichord…”

Abigail unwraps the thing which turns out to be a book with notes and lessons for beginners.

“Thank you” she says and goes to put the book in the study.

Will goes to the kitchen where Hannibal smiles at him.

“Good evening, Will”

“Good evening”

“The dinner is almost ready. Will you be so kind and go to the dining room? You can pour us a glass of wine if you wish. Everything is already prepared”

Will nods and does as he’s told. He pours him and Hannibal a glass of wine. Abigail’s glass is filled with orange juice she’s been drinking before Will arrived. She enters the dining room and sits down. Will takes a seat opposite her. And that leaves a place for Hannibal at the head of the table.

Lecter walks in with three plates and sets them down on the table. He sits down as well and they start eating.

“Did you think what you want to do next?” Will asks Abigail.

“I think I need some more time for myself. I may apply to university next year”

“Maybe you could become a psychiatrist” Will smiles.

Abigail smiles at Hannibal.

“Alana said the same. It seems like you’re cut out for it. Everyone seems to notice it” Hannibal commented.

“And you’d have Alana and dr… and Hannibal to consult if you ever needed help”

Hannibal smiles at Will. His eyes shine and overwhelm Graham. It’s always Lecter’s eyes. There’s magic and confidence in them. Will hates eye contact but when he does catch Lecter’s eyes then it’s almost a religious experience.

“We’d be happy to help” Hannibal assures.

“Are you still afraid of what lies beneath your pillow?” Will asks; it may sound straight-forward and intrusive but he’s genuinely interested and caring.

“Sometimes. There are nights I keep seeing Nick killing me and there are nights filled with complete blackness”

“I guess that blackness can be even more horrifying”

“We are afraid of emptiness, of lacking values and meaning” Hannibal cuts in.

Will takes a sip of his wine.

It’s addictive. He could sit here, in this dark room filled with only candle light, with these two people, eating dinner and drinking wine.

It’s surreal again. He looks at Hannibal and watches him take a bite and then chew the food in his mouth. Hannibal is aware of the blue eyes on him and he turns his head. Lecter swallows the mouthful looking directly in Will’s eyes.

“If you ever want to, you can come to my house. We could go fishing” Will offers.

Abigail glances at Will with confusion and a bit of resentment. Graham can almost sense it. 

“I think Will could use some help with his dogs. He has seven so I imagine washing them all is quite a challenge” Hannibal smiles at Will and then looks at Abigail with raised eyebrows.

“I never had any pets” Abigail says.

“We’ll be closing a case on Thursday so I'll have a day off. You can come then. The dogs will love company of someone else than me” Will proposes.

They keep eating and talking about Abigail’s future and interests, about the recent case, about Hannibal’s annoying patients. They all seem to have their own lives which somehow merge together. Addictive. Being able to talk to someone about you and then listen to their problems. Being understood. Will likes it.

Abigail offers to bring dessert. She takes the dirty dishes and leaves. Will sips on his wine again. It made him relaxed. But he is afraid of being alone with Hannibal in a room.

“I’ll leave Abigail at your place in the morning and then I’ll come back for her after my last patient. Would that be alright?”

“Yes” Will answers and then whispers “I’m not doing well, am I? Helping her see me as someone else than her father’s killer”

Hannibal places a hand on Graham’s shoulder.

“You can’t force a positive attitude in one evening. It’ll take time but it's always rewarding to see progress of long-lasting effort”

Will looks at the hand touching him, closes his eyes and sighs. He is about to reciprocate the gesture when Abigail walks in with the bowls with dessert. Hannibal smooths his hand down Will’s arm casually and takes the bowl from Abigail.

“A journalist, miss Lounds, made a photo of me and Abigail when I was taking her home. I found an article on tattlecrime.com about us” Hannibal states sadly to Will.

Abigail makes a grimace and stuffs her mouth with sweetness not to say something rude.

“I haven’t seen it" Will comments "Lounds is intrusive. But don’t be bothered by her”

“She wanted to tell my version of the story. After all, people still see me as my father’s daughter and an accessory to his crimes. I was considering cooperating with her. But then she wrote that article about me staying with a psychiatrist so I am probably mentally damaged and unstable and require a non-stop care. Not to mention what a big scandal this is, me living with dr Lecter”

“You seem happier than when I last saw you” Will remarks.

“I am”

“Maybe you could find a place of your own in the near future and then you could write your version of the story. I wouldn’t recommend cooperation with Freddie Lounds, though. She is dangerous. She will use you and manipulate the facts to tell a story that will sell. She doesn’t care about the truth” Will says.

“Will is right. You have to be very careful with what you say. And to whom. Recklessness could forfeit your privacy”

Abigail puts a spoon down and stops eating. Will can feel she’s upset.

“Things change, Abigail. Whatever you feel now, it won’t last”

“I feel like you try very hard right now to sound protective but just because you killed my dad doesn’t mean you get to be him”

“Abigail! We’ve been through a traumatic event, and no one more traumatized than you, but we went through it together. We understand you want to tell the world you are not guilty of your father’s crimes but if you were to write your story, it would touch upon our lives, too, mine and Will’s”

“I don’t need your permission”

“And you don’t need our approval, but I hope it would mean something”

“I just want to tell people that they are wrong about me. Why won't you let me?”

“You have nothing to apologize for” Will cuts in.

“Yet. But if you open this door, Abigail, you won’t control what comes through. Are you ready for that?”

“I’ll take my chances. Now, if you excuse me”

Abigail stands up and leaves.

Will sighs. So the dinner didn’t go well. Hannibal thinks Graham was right to decline his invitation the first two times. But he won’t let one evening ruin everything.

“I feel like you built a nice life together and my one visit destroyed it all” Will chuckles and wants to stand up, but Hannibal grips his arm to keep him in place.

“We may have both overreacted. But we have good reasons. We both want Abigail to overcome her trauma and regain her mental health. Nothing more healthy than relieving the stress” Hannibal smiles.

“Yeah. But I guess my plans for Thursday are no longer valid”

“I’ll talk to her later. She knows we’re right. She’s a reasonable young woman”

They finish dessert and the wine and Will is ready to go.

“It was a delicious dinner, thank you. And let me know how the talk goes”

“Certainly” Hannibal says with a smile and moves closer to Will, who lifts his hand to stroke Lecter’s arm and then leans in to brush his cheek against Hannibal’s.

Not a kiss, not a hug, but something strangely friendly and intimate.

“Goodnight, Will”

“Goodnight”

Hannibal washes the dishes, which lasts enough to be a time-out and when he’s done, he goes to Abigail’s room only to find it empty.


	21. Chapter 21

_"Guess this means you're sorry_  
_You're standing at my door_  
_Guess this means you take back_  
_All You said before"_

_Kelly Clarkson - My life would suck without you_

 

Next morning by the breakfast he smiles at her. She didn’t say a word when she walked in the kitchen. He hasn’t spoken yet, either. But she rolls her eyes as if she was going to say something and then thought better of it. Stubborn. Hannibal can be stubborn, too. Only he made her breakfast and is smiling at her. Always polite.

“You seem very fond of him” she speaks at last, taking a cup of coffee closer to her mouth and tasting a bitter sweet liquid.

“I am” he admits with a warm smile on his face.

So no apology, no explanation where she was. A change of topic.

“He seems to like you, too. He’s just afraid. It can be seen, his hesitation. One moment he’s all for it and the next he avoids you like he could get burnt. It’s fear”

“So he says”

“And you?”

“What about me?”

“Are you afraid?” Abigail asks seriously.

He lets that thought sink in. Is he afraid? Ever?

He cannot remember fear from before the accident. And now? He knows he was supposed to be afraid when Tobias Budge attacked him. He should have been afraid when he found Miriam Lass. He should be disgusted and afraid of himself and his past. But is he?

“Fear can motivate you. Or freeze you. Used properly fear can drive you to greatness”

“That’s not an answer to my question” Abigail puts the cup down and throws Hannibal a challenging look.

“For me fear assumes a different shape. It may not be proper to define my behaviour as standard or typical. But that doesn’t mean I’m never afraid”

“Are you afraid I’ll tell you called my house that morning? Are you afraid they’ll believe you’re a killer?”

“Whatever you say, don’t be reckless. Don’t say something only to make me upset”

“Do you want me gone from your house?”

“One day. Perhaps. You should live your life. Have a place of your own”

“Do you want me gone so that you could live here with Will?”

Hannibal frowns.

“Not at all. You can stay here however long you wish. But there will come to a point when it won’t be healthy anymore for you to continue living here”

“I think it’s not fear that motivates _you_. I think it’s Will. And whatever fear you may feel is connected with him”

Hannibal sips his own coffee. He knows she’s right. He knows every decision he’s made so far was determined by his feelings for Will.

“Are you psychoanalysing me?” Lecter smirks at Abigail.

“Do you think I’m good at it?”

“Very”

He leaves then, goes to his office. His patients, surprisingly, are what keeps him grounded. They don’t change much. They talk about their problems and he helps them with their perception of the world. It’s simple and complicated at the same time.

He returns home and feels something inside him grow. He calls Abigail and goes to the kitchen. She’s there. She’s baking cupcakes. Hannibal smiles wider.

“You brought me some when you visited me” she explains.

He pours them both a glass of wine and she takes the cupcakes to the living room.

“They’re delicious” he says after the first bite “Add a little more milk next time”

She’s happy. He can see she’s gotten used to this domestic easiness. He has, too.

“So, am I driving you tomorrow to Will’s house?”

“It’s more for your sake than mine” she observes.

Hannibal looks away. He does want to see Will, even if for a split second.

“What time should I be ready?” she asks, smiling at him.

He returns the smile and watches her face. Her full lips, wide blue eyes, freckles. She’s not typically beautiful, but still pretty. And she’s smart. She’s aware of most terrible things in the world. But she’s not yet corrupted by the foul world.

“Seven. I’ll drive you there, come to my office for my appointments and go back for you in the afternoon. Is that alright?”

“Yes”

Later, they both read the book Will bought her and try to figure out the harpsichord. It’s amazing how he can compose and play from memory but he can’t really read notes. They play together and discover the instrument. They’re laughing at his clumsiness sometimes. They go to sleep before midnight.

~~~

He twitches in his sleep. He’s lying on his back and grips at the sheets beneath him. His eyes are closed tightly and his lips open for him to breathe in sharply from time to time.

“No…no, no, no…don’t…leave her alone…no…don’t take her away…” he whispers.

He grips even tighter at the sheets, his muscles try the best they can to keep whatever it is he’s holding in his dream. He’s beginning to sweat.

“No, please…please, take me…don’t…please…” he continues to struggle with something and then his hands relax.

He opens his eyes and takes a deep breath. He stands up and goes to the bathroom. He runs the cold water and splashes his face with it. He can’t remember his dream. He was horrified but he has no idea why. He drinks some cold water and goes back to sleep.

~~~

Hannibal is in the middle of preparing breakfast when Abigail walks in.

“Good morning” she says, smiling.

“Good morning” he responds, his eyes a bit heavy.

“Something happened?” she asks, seeing his discomfort.

“Just a nightmare. I don’t even remember it”

She chuckles. Memory is a funny thing.

They eat the breakfast and then Hannibal drives her to Will’s house. Abigail asks for permission before she takes out her headphones and loses herself in the fantasies behind her eyelids.

Hannibal keeps thinking about fear and what Abigail said. He thinks about Will. He wished he could spend the day with them both and the dogs and not think about anything for once. But that would be a very boring life to lead every day. His patients challenge him. And he remembers he was annoyed in the hospital when his mind was blank and he couldn’t think about anything.

It’s good as it is. He’ll take it all.

Hannibal parks at Will’s driveway and touches Abigail’s arm lightly not to startle her.

“We’re here’ he says when she opens her eyes and hides her headphones.

The first to greet them when they get out of the car are the dogs. All seven of them. Hannibal crouches and pets them, one by one. They seem to like him very much. When Lecter lifts his head he sees Will leaving the house and stepping closer to Abigail.

“Hello, Will” Hannibal smiles and watches Will and Abigail exchange polite glances.

“Good morning. I hope you managed to get some sleep. I know it’s early”

“Time is relative. It’s probably too late to go fishing, right?” Abigail asks.

“Not if you want to go”

“I do” she answers.

“Come, I’ll get you something you can wear and get dirty in” Will offers and catches a glimpse of Hannibal.

“Have a nice day. I’ll be back around five” Lecter says and leaves.

Will takes Abigail and the dogs to a stream nearby. They disrupt the movement of the water when they step farther and farther until they are standing in the equal distance to both banks. The dogs are running around, chasing one another or the wind. Will wants to burn the image Abigail created of him to the ground and help her paint a new one.

“Wrap the leader around the tippet. Four, five, six times” he says while showing what to do “Tuck the end between the lines. Tighten. And trim. It’s called a blood knot”

Abigail watches carefully and Will knows she’s genuinely interested. She has no problem with killing the animals.

“Your father taught you how to hunt. I’m going to teach you how to fish”

“Same thing, isn’t it?” she challenges “One you stalk, the other you lure”

“One you catch the other you shoot” he responds.

Abigail smiles and Will touches her shoulder gently, walks behind her. They spend some time waiting for the fish to be fooled and catch the bait. They talk and watch the dogs. Later they return to the house with four big fish. Abigail takes off the dirty clothes and Will prepares water and towels so that they could wash the dogs. He takes off his shirt and remains in an undershirt.

They get wet while cleaning the dogs. Buster is particularly lively so he splashes the water everywhere. They laugh trying to control him and bring him back to dry. It’s then when they hear a car drive up. Hannibal.

Lecter approaches them on the porch and smiles at the sight before him.

“I see you both can make a mess while trying to clean” he remarks and now they all laugh.

They finish drying the dogs and Hannibal takes the liberty to prepare the fish in the meantime.

None of them realise that time passes. They enjoy themselves.

“I caught three of these fish” Abigail says and looks with mock pity at Will who lowers his head in equally mock shame.

They finish the dinner and Will takes the plates to put them in a sink.

“I’m exhausted. I’ll call it a day. Thank you, Will” Abigail says and embraces Will.

She leaves the house and goes to the car while Hannibal puts on his coat.

“I gather you had a nice time together” Lecter concludes.

“Yes. I really care about her. I don’t want her to feel damaged or broken by whatever her father did. If she’s not a part of it, she shouldn’t be held responsible for it”

“I agree. But we have no control over what the people say. And not everyone has as much empathy as you do” Hannibal says, almost playfully.

Will glances at the car outside. Abigail has her head turned to the other way, her eyes closed.

Graham takes the opportunity and kisses Hannibal. Lightly, barely there. A gentle brush of lips, a tilt of the head and another swipe. That’s it. Just a taste.

“Have a safe drive” Will says finally and Hannibal leaves.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyone still reading? xD

_“You’re never gonna love me, so what’s the use?_  
_What’s the point in playing a game you’re gonna lose?_  
_What’s the point in saying you love me like a friend?_  
_What’s the point in saying it’s never gonna end?”_

_Marina and the Diamonds – Lies_

 

Abigail goes to her room as soon as they get home. She falls asleep immediately.

Hannibal, on the other hand, is conflicted again. He sits by the harpsichord, watches the keys rest untouched but imagines a melody dancing around him. He spent the day with his patients but all he could think about was Will and Abigail. He wondered if they got along and if they talked or laughed or argued. He was regretting being in the office instead of there with them.

Now he closes his eyes. He recreates Will’s house in his mind. He sees the fireplace and the dogs curled in front of it. He can almost feel the warmth emanating from the fire.

He opens his eyes and finds himself back in his living room. It’s dark but his eyes adjusted to it. He goes to his bedroom.

~~~

He twitches in his sleep. He feels pressure on his wrists and a pain in his stomach. His eyes are shut and his lips parted. He whines very quietly. His legs struggle on the bed with an invisible force.

“No, no, no…please”

He turns his head as if he was just slapped but he only grimaces and move his head back to its previous position, to look straight ahead.

“Stop…no…don’t”

He opens his eyes, takes shallow rapid breaths. He sits up, looks at his hands almost bruised from griping at the sheets. He’s exhausted. He remembers only silhouettes, shapes, nothing more.

He stands up, goes to the bathroom, splashes cold water on his face. Is this going to be his nightly routine? Is this punishment for whatever he was doing before the accident? Is this another memory?

He lies on the bed and looks at the ceiling, trying to recall people from his dream. But all he sees is a blur of silhouettes and shadows. Not even voices, nothing. He falls asleep in the deep dark silence.

~~~

He sees his last patient late in the evening and when the man leaves, he stays in the office. He goes to sit by his desk. It’s one of his guilty pleasures. He discovered he can draw, quite beautifully and with a lot of details. So he often stays in his office after the last patient and spends some time recreating shapes from his memories or forming his own images.

This evening is different. The door opens and Will walks in. No knock, no ‘good evening’ or ‘hello’. Will is upset. Will is determined.

“Abigail killed Nick Boyle” are the first words Will says.

Hannibal looks at his drawing and then puts down the pencil. When he lifts his head he notices Will’s eyes are filled with fear. There are no more assumptions. They are both aware Hannibal knows who Nick was and what happened to him.

“I know” Lecter responds.

“Why you know?” Will sounds betrayed.

“I helped her dispose of the body” Hannibal admits and stands up.

“Evidently not well enough. We found it”

Hannibal realizes that’s what Abigail did when she was upset after dinner with him and Will. That’s where she was. She must have dug it out. Does she regret that now?

“Did you tell Jack?”

Will only shakes his head. He’s confused. If Abigail wasn’t so dear to him, they’d have already arrested her.

“Why not?” Hannibal asks, hoping for an implied confession of affection.

“Because I was hoping it wasn’t true”

“Now you know the truth” Hannibal steps closer to Will, but the man turns, leaving only his back to be seen.

“Do I?” Will whispers.

Hannibal hesitates. He lifts his hand casually, looks at Will’s shoulder. He touches the man, gently. It’s more of a lover’s caress than a gesture of reassurance he intended. He hopes it will help anyway.

Will is tense under the touch but the tension was probably there before he walked in the office. Will’s head is down now, he seems to be realizing something.

“Did you want me to cover for you? Did you plan…” Will looks at the hand on his shoulder, then in Hannibal’s eyes “this?”

Hannibal starts to shake his head and parts his lips to explain himself but Will won’t let him.

“You seduced me and made me an unwilling accomplice. You knew I wouldn’t give you up”

Hannibal is thrown off balance. Did he seduce Will? Did he succeed?

He withdraws his hand off Will’s shoulder.

“I don’t want your judgement to be clouded by feelings, either for me or for Abigail. But be reasonable. If you tell Jack, you murder Abigail’s future. She didn’t deserve that. It wasn’t supposed to be her life”

“Do you remember what happened that night? Or do you know as much as she told you?” Will asks.

Hannibal frowns. Does Will suspect Abigail of more than defending herself? Truth be told he does not remember. But he believes Abigail. She didn’t have to tell him about that night, yet she did. Was he being foolish for believing her?

“Nick attacked us. Abigail’s only crime was to defend herself. I lied about it. This is the only story I care to tell”

“You realise what you’re asking of me?”

“You know Abigail. You know the burden she bears, what she has to deal with every day and night. You said once…you said we were her fathers. We need to protect her. I made the decision to protect her”

“And now you want me to make my decision”

And suddenly Hannibal is aware every kiss between them and every touch became corrupted by the lies. Will is going to definitely see their relationship as blackmail.

“I’m so sorry, Will, I-”

“You’re right. It’s my time to make decisions. And they’d better be wiser than the ones I’ve already made”

Will is on the verge of tears; he’s upset, angry. He hurries to the door and leaves.

Hannibal sighs and looks through the window.

~~~

Lecter returns home quickly and finds Abigail reading in the study. Good god. Will the police arrive soon? What if his secrets see the daylight as well? Abigail looks at him and frowns.

“Something happened?”

“Will knows” Hannibal states coolly.

“Knows…? Oh. Did he call the police?”

“I don’t know. I did everything in my power to prevent him from doing so, but I don’t know”

“It’s alright. We’ll wait then”

He sits next to her and looks at her. She resembles someone. A silhouette from his dream. She’s taller and older but he knows there are many similarities.

They sit all through the night. They fall asleep after three in the morning, both tired of waiting for something that may or may not happen.

Only in the morning does Hannibal realise how stupid it was.

He covers Abigail with a blanket and makes himself a coffee. He goes to see his patients, as if nothing happened. But it’s a day when Will has an appointment. Hannibal wonders all day if Will’s going to show up.

Another not-so-calm glance at the clock. That’s it. It’s time.

Hannibal stands up and approaches the door. He opens it, almost certain Will talked to Jack and found another psychiatrist.

“Good afternoon, dr Lecter” says the man in the waiting room.

Hannibal raises one corner of his mouth and allows Will inside by stepping back.

“Good afternoon”

Will takes a seat, as usual and closes his eyes. Hannibal sits opposite him and waits.

“It’s all starting to blur. The reality with fantasy. What I have with what I want”

“What is it that you want?” Hannibal asks.

“For the fantasy to be real” Will admits and looks into Hannibal’s eyes “Probably the best that it isn’t. For everyone”

“Imagine you got everything you want. Wouldn’t it be boring?” Hannibal challenges.

“Maybe I’d be happy for one damn minute”

Hannibal regrets. He regrets his lies and he blames his former self for the situation he finds himself in. But he realizes he has no control over the past. He only has control over the future.

“You still didn’t tell Jack, did you?”

“No. And I’m not going to. You’re right. Abigail deserves more than that”

Does he? Is there any chance Will forgives him?

Hannibal nods.

“I was wondering, though. Did she tell you something more?”

“No”

“So the story remains as it was”

A minute of silence. Will agreed to cover for Abigail. He decided she’s important in his life and he made it clear to Lecter.

“She’s not another stray for me” Will remarks.

“I never said she was”

“But I’m tired of lies. I’m tired of omissions”

“I understand” a pause, they look at each other, see each other “Let’s go to my house. I’ll make dinner and she’ll tell you everything she told me. Let’s settle this once and for all”

Will considers the offer. He stands up and Hannibal knows the answer.


	23. The Finale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooo the grand finale of this fic ^^ i hope it's satisfying :)

_“Meet me after dark again and I'll hold you_  
_I want nothing more than to see you there_  
_And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away_  
_We'll be lost before the dawn”_

_Evanescence – Before the dawn_

 

They arrive at Hannibal’s house to find Abigail already preparing dinner. She smiles at Will, when he and Hannibal enter the kitchen.

“I was partially expecting you to come” she says.

Will nods and Hannibal steps closer to Abigail.

“Why don’t I finish with the dinner and you and Will can lay the table”

They understand. Abigail places three glasses and Will takes the liberty to pour some wine into them. White. Let it be white for once.

They both sit opposite each other and wait.

Hannibal is in the kitchen. He takes the meat and cuts it in small pieces. The meat is lean and delicate and Hannibal believes it deserves nothing less but the gentle touch. It resembles human flesh in a way and Lecter behaves as if it truly was. He almost caresses the smooth edges, like a body of a lover. He admires its fragility. It reminds him of Will.

He really did screw things up but he’s determined and he’s going to fix it.

When he finishes dinner, he takes the plates and walks in the dining room. Abigail and Will are in the middle of quiet conversation. Will is holding Abigail’s hand and they look into each other’s eyes. There is forgiveness and affection in the gestures between them and they don’t let themselves be interrupted by Hannibal’s entry.

Lecter smiles at them and sets the plates in front of them.

They start eating. Will sips on the wine from time to time and looking at the two people sitting next to him, he remembers how he enjoys their company. He would never give this up.

“Would you like to hear me play the harpsichord later?” Abigail asks.

“Of course. You’re making progress?”

“Certainly. It helps me concentrate. When I focus on the keys I forget about the rest. I forget about nightmares”

“That’s good” Will comments.

“It doesn’t help Hannibal, though”

Will furrows his brows.

“I’ve been having nightmares of my own lately. I don’t…” Hannibal smiles at what he’s about to say “remember what those dreams are about but I wake up in the middle of the night and feel the lingering presence of them on my skin”

“So now we all know the feeling” Will remarks.

“I see silhouettes, shapes, shadows. It’s all a blur”

“You lack clarity” Will observes.

Hannibal smiles at that. He looks into Graham’s eyes and they both know the sentence has more than one meaning at this point.

They finish the dinner and Abigail takes the dirty dishes to the kitchen while Hannibal takes out two glasses and a bottle of whiskey. He pours them a drink and they sit comfortably in two armchairs by the fire. Will looks into the glass and then at Hannibal. It’s surreal again. The colours mix. Graham compares the colour of the liquid in his glass with Hannibal’s eyes.

Abigail appears in the room and goes straight to the harpsichord. She takes a seat and places her fingers on the keys. The show begins.

The music starts and Will closes his eyes for a moment. Peaceful. He would never give this up. He can imagine returning to this house after a long and exhausting day in the field. He can imagine the three of them having dinner, talking about life and death and then losing himself in the melody of this room. He can imagine this being his life.

Suddenly, he feels a gentle brush of fingers against his own hand hanging loosely on the side of the armchair. It’s a dream. It’s the silence after the storm.

Will opens his eyes and realises the touch is real. Hannibal watches Abigail and at the same time keeps brushing his fingers against Will’s.

Graham looks at Hannibal, his eyes heavy, lids ready to fall and let him dream again.

“No more lies” Will whispers.

Hannibal shifts his eyes to look at Will and smiles.

“No more lies” he agrees.

Abigail concludes the piece and when she turns to look for approval, she sees the two men affectionately brushing each other’s fingers and leading a dialogue solely with their eyes.

Abigail clears her throat so the men snap out of their wordless romance.

“I see you’ve enjoyed the music” she comments.

Will chuckles and finishes his drink.

“It would be advisable for you to define where you are with each other so I’ll leave you to it” Abigail says, stands up from the harpsichord and leaves the room.

Hannibal doesn’t even feel ashamed. He reaches for the bottle with whiskey and refills Will’s glass.

“Where does the difference between the past and the future come from?” Lecter asks when he hands Will the drink.

“Mine?” Graham looks at the glass as if searching for an answer “Before you and after you”

Hannibal smiles; no longer a hardly noticeable twitch of lips but a full, happy smile.

“Yours?” Will asks.

“You and I have begun to blur”

Will wants to shake his head, used to shaking the dreams off his shoulders. But he doesn’t want _this_ dream to end. Finally, he feels like the fantasy becomes the reality.

Will feels his limbs are heavy. He drank too much. Wine with the dinner, now the whiskey. Hannibal sees his slight dizziness.

“You shouldn’t be driving. I’ll show you to a guest room”

“I feel like I could fall asleep here”

“Then we should probably go before you do”

Hannibal stands up, not completely sober himself, and takes Will by the hand. They go upstairs and Hannibal opens the door to the guest room. Will leans against the frame and looks at Hannibal’s tie. Lecter gestures with a hand for the profiler to come inside but Will lifts his own hand and places it on Hannibal’s shoulder. He kisses the doctor.

“Don’t…lie…to me” Will says between the brushes of lips.

Hannibal cradles Will’s face with his hands and presses his body close to the profiler’s, pinning him to the frame.

Will deepens the kiss and moves his hands to tangle one in the doctor’s hair and to press the second against his chest. Lecter moans quietly, then groans because of the pull on his hair. He is aware this won’t go too far tonight and he has to restrain himself quickly, before the heat overwhelms him.

Hannibal withdraws slowly, leaving feather-like kisses on Will’s lower lip and cheek. He pulls away, making room for Will’s personal space. Graham looks inside the room. He enters it, stumbling slightly, and sits on the bed. Lecter watches him, making sure the profiler is safe.

“I’ll bring you a pair of pyjamas, just a moment”

Hannibal goes to his own bedroom and pulls out a drawer. Hmmm. This one is too big even for him; this one he already wore once; this one has terrible fabric; this one a terrible colour…

He finally picks one and returns to the guest room, where he finds Will already asleep on the bed. He managed to take off his shirt and pants and put them folded on the nightstand. Hannibal wants to laugh. He was so preoccupied with looking for perfection, he lost track of time. He steps closer to the bed, strokes the duvet on Will’s arm and kisses the man gently on the cheek.

Lecter returns to his own bedroom.

~~~~

Hannibal wakes with an alarm clock. He curses quietly and turns it off. His head hurts a little. He sighs and stands up, no point in lying in bed. He goes to the guest room and finds it empty. There is no evidence of Will’s presence here. Maybe a faint smell of the man but detectable only to Hannibal’s nose.

Lecter descends the stairs and sees Abigail making breakfast already.

“Good morning” she says and gives Hannibal a cup of coffee.

“Good morning” he answers, takes a sip and asks “Will?”

“Left a note he had to feed the dogs” Abigail explains.

“I see”

“Did you find clarity?” she asks.

“I believe so”

“And I believe I’ll start working on my book tonight” she says and hands Hannibal a piece of paper “Have a nice evening”

Lecter frowns and Abigail takes her breakfast and leaves the kitchen.

Hannibal looks at the letters forming a note.

_Woke up in the middle of the night and realised I had to feed the dogs so I left. How about you leave Abigail alone for one evening and come to my place?_

Hannibal smiles. One evening or one night? Should he let his optimism win over and take a change of clothes or…

Lecter drives to his office. He sees his patients and that makes him abandon his many scenarios he likes to create in his mind. After the last appointment he doesn’t stay longer but goes straight to his house. Abigail is gone.

He goes to his bedroom and without thinking twice he takes a shirt, pants and a pair of socks and pack them into a bag. He won’t be needing pyjamas.

He looks at the clock and decides to spare some more time to prepare a dessert. A chocolate mousse.

When he’s ready, he gets in the car and starts the engine.

~~~

Hannibal parks the car in front of Will’s well-lit house. It’s already dark outside. He gets out, takes the dessert and the bag and knocks at the door.

“Hi” Graham says and smiles.

“Hello, Will”

Hannibal steps inside and leaves the bag on the chair by the door. He follows Will to the kitchen and unpacks the dessert to present it on the table.

“Jack and the evil minds let me have one more day free so I went fishing and these are my trophies” Will says, full of humour, while setting plates with the fish on the table.

“And I wanted to indulge you in one more good thing tonight” Hannibal points at the dessert.

They start eating and Hannibal is amazed by Will’s hidden talent. He’s most likely had a lot of practice preparing fish and he mastered the skill. Graham notices the delight in Lecter’s eyes and it makes him warm inside.

“I apologise it took me so long to bring you the pyjamas last night” Hannibal states seriously.

“It’s alright. I’m used to sleeping in a t-shirt and briefs. I tend to sweat during the nightmares and…it can get messy”

“Abigail asked me if I found clarity” Hannibal says.

“What did you tell her?”

“That I believe I did”

Will lowers his head and takes another bite. Later they eat the dessert and Will offers a drink.

“Abigail said she was going to start writing the book tonight” Hannibal remarks.

“I hope she won’t regret her decisions. And I hope she’ll leave out some details”

Will puts the dirty dishes in the sink and they go to the living room. The dogs are settled by the fire and Hannibal cannot help himself but smile widely. He’s so much in love with the domestic easiness of this place. He’s aware by now what Will has to deal with and he admires the man for sustaining innocent. Will takes one armchair and moves it closer to fireplace. He points it for Hannibal to sit in. Then he moves another one, next to Lecter. The proximity resembles the one from the evening before.

“I came here to sleep, when you were in the hospital” Hannibal confesses.

Will frowns.

“The dogs didn’t bother you?”

“No. They were calm. I think they got used to me”

“I’m very fond of them”

Hannibal knows that. He knows these dogs represent what is the most beautiful and innocent about Will. He cares about them and his affection for them probably outgrows any feelings he ever had for anyone. Is Hannibal an exception?

“Are you fond of me?” the doctor asks; greedy for an answer.

Will turns his head and leans it against the top of the armchair. He looks at Hannibal.

“I… Before your accident you were a source of stability for me, you were my gauge for reality. I've grown attached to you, depended almost solely on you. And then you woke up and you weren't the same person. I knew you changed. There are still some parts that remained untouched but I'm growing very fond of the ‘new you’” he feels the gentle brush of fingers, like the night before; he closes his eyes, breaths in, and goes on “I feel like I signed a mutual contract to ignore the worst in one another in order to continue enjoying the best”

“Don’t ignore, Will. Accept. You keep ignoring and one day you will not be able to bear it anymore”

“Are you ready to accept?” Graham asks, entwining their fingers together now.

“Since the day I first saw you”

Will smiles at the words and Hannibal leans closer to his face. Graham moves to meet the doctor’s lips in a gentle peck. He realises kissing while sitting in the armchairs won’t be comfortable so he stands up and takes Hannibal’s hand. They move to sit on the bed and resume kissing each other. It’s slow, gentle, matching the calmness of the room.

Hannibal strokes Will’s cheek and then kisses it. Will tilts his head and lets himself be kissed lower, on the neck. The dogs are asleep, the only sound in the room is the cracking wood in the fireplace. It’s so pleasant. Will wants to lose himself in this moment. Never before was his house such a sanctuary of positive feelings.

Hannibal returns to Will’s lips, he swipes against it, then lightly scratches the lower lip with his teeth. The action makes Will moan quietly. He’s astounded by his own reactions. It’s enough that he likes the touch of another man’s soft plump lips upon his, now he also gets turned on by biting.

“I’m still not…”

“Gay?” Hannibal laughs softly.

They look into each other’s eyes, steady their breathing. Will lowers his gaze then, onto those wide full lips that he got a taste of and now he cannot imagine giving it up. He cannot give Hannibal up.

“You don’t have to be. We don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable with”

Will lifts his hand and touches Hannibal’s face. He traces every line, every wrinkle, like he was a blind person creating a map in his mind. Lecter closes his eyes and surrenders to the caress. He opens them only when the hand disappears.

Will moves his fingers to play with a button in Hannibal’s shirt.

“We’re going to sleep” the profiler says and keeps undoing the rest of the buttons.

Lecter does the same to Will’s shirt and they exchange one more kiss. They part the shirts at the same time and push them down, leaving themselves exposed. Will perceives the next task too much for him so he stands up and manages his own zipper. Hannibal observes the man and follows suit.

They lie down and cover themselves with the duvet. They are facing each other and Hannibal is smiling. His eyes betray sheer happiness. Will moves his hands to stroke Lecter’s arm and chest. The fire keeps burning and the wood keeps cracking.

Hannibal leans closer to Will to steal another kiss. They are almost embracing each other under the duvet. Will can feel the warmth of Hannibal’s body. They both tremble in the dark. Hannibal moves his hand on Will’s forearm and feels the goose bumps there.

“Are you tired, Will?”

“Mhm” Graham murmurs and hides his head in the crook of Hannibal’s neck.

Lecter kisses the man’s forehead and they fall asleep.

~~~

Will wakes up hearing knocking at his door. Who the hell is that? He opens his eyes and notices Hannibal waking up beside him. They look at each other, both confused. Will gets up and puts on a shirt. He approaches the door and curses quietly. He turns to Hannibal who is busy dressing up.

“It’s Jack” Will whispers.

Hannibal frowns, then his face assumes an oddly amused expression. The doctor is aware of Will’s anxiety at the moment.

The knocking repeats.

This is unprofessional, is the first thing that comes to Will’s mind. This is going to be awkward. Should he open the door? Or should they be quiet and pretend the house is empty?

Hannibal comes closer to Will and puts a hand on his shoulder.

“No more lies, remember?” he whispers in Graham’s ear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope it wasn't too cheesy or out of character and that it was to Your liking :D  
> please, leave comments with Your opinions and/or feelings ^^


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